Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Who Dey Revolution, ESPN.com Go National With Bengals Ineptitude... Oh and Check Out BengalsBeerGuy.com

Earlier this week, beloved Bengals owner Mike Brown summed up his grasp on reality with this quote to ESPN.com, "Well, if they've got that kind of money, they ought to buy some tickets." Brown was referring to Who Dey revolution spending $1,000 to embarrass Bengals management at training camp.

Brown has probably never been to the WDR website, but anyone with a Dartmouth degree (Brown has one) should be able to put 2 and 2 together.If someone is paying $1,000 to advertise to the world that you've been a complete and total failure at your job for the past 18 years, they probably want nothing to do with your product.

Let me put this into perspective for Mr. Brown: If you went into a nice restaurant and ordered a Filet Mignon and they served you a dead squirrel with a side of cheetos, you would probably be pretty pissed.

Now, if you went to that restaurant 18 times and the squirrel thing happened 17 of those times, you would be even more pissed, my guess is that you would probably never go to that restaurant again.

Brown needs to understand that Bengals football is getting to this point. Fans want a Filet Mignon, he's serving up a dead squirrel. Now I like dead squirrels as much as the next fan, but I can only stomach about 10 of them before I start to get sick. The Bengals hit the 10 seasons of failure point in 2000.

In the coming days, INSIC is going on the offensive.

Will we make fun of Bengals football? Probably.

Will we write an article about how the second 3 Ninjas movie was intellectually less stimulating then the first one? Maybe.

Will John Breech pick the Bengals to win the AFC North in his annual NFL preview? You bet.

Will he be able to justify said pick? Good Question.

Also, check out bengalsbeerguy.com, it's a website by a Bengals fan/soldier in Iraq. As if this guy's life isn't scary enough (he's in Iraq, which is about as safe as dating Ryan Jenkins), the man spends his downtime cheering for the Bengals.The only more painful combination I can think of is if you're in the Libyan national military and a fan of the Lions.

No death threats from my Libyan readers please.

Alright, I have to go, I'll be on the phone with Andre Smith's agent if you need me.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

UFL Interview: California Redwood Quarterback and 2007 AFL Rookie of the Year Brett Dietz Talks to INSIC About his New Job

As everyone from Cincinnati already knows, the Queen City has only produced three cool things in the last 20 years: Nick Lachey, the 1990 Reds and the movie Airborne.

INSIC was ready to add future UFL star Brett Dietz to that list, but then we found out he's not actually from Cincinnati (damnit). Dietz is a Covington Catholic High School graduate who was raised in N. Kentucky.

As a matter of fact, when asked what he was doing on UFL draft night (June 19) here is what Dietz sent us in an email, "When June 19th hit my family was down visiting from northern Kentucky (I would say Cincinnati but I would never claim Ohio as my own)."

For those of you who have never heard of the UFL or who don't know who Brett Dietz is, check out this post from August 7.

Brett Dietz Review

Quick rehash for everyone that was too lazy to click on the above link: After Covington Catholic, Dietz went to Hanover College, where he outclassed everyone, played four sports, cured cancer and was named the school's athlete of the decade (Hanover is a D-3 football program. We think Dietz is on the right in the picture below).

After a highly successful college career, Dietz didn't
get many pro looks, mainly because no D-3 quarterbacks ever do. So he did what any sane person would do: He went to Finland.

Dietz latched on with the Turku Trojans and proceeded to win a Finnish championship with them (Of course, the skeptics right now are thinking, 'beating Madden '10 is more way more difficult then winning a Finnish championship).

Dietz thought the same thing, so he lef
t Finland and latched on with the Cincinnati Marshals of the NIFL. After taking the Marshals to the playoffs, he took the next step to AFL2 and the Louisville Fire. Blah, blah, blah, we know what you're thinking, "when does he get famous."

Lets cut to the chase. Dietz was on Tampa Bay
's practice squad in 2007 when the two starting quarterbacks went down with injuries.

The young flamethrower was thrust into th
e spotlight and he only responded by winning every regular season game he played in while taking home Arena Football's rookie of the year award.

For those of you that are AFL ignorant, the Arena League is where Arizona Cardinal's Quarterback Kurt Warner got his start, playing for the Iowa Barnstormers.

Dietz was tearing up the AFL when the league, like everyone else in America, ran out of money. Just as he was becoming a household name in the Tampa area, the AFL closed up shop.

That was seven months ago.

Enter the UFL. The newest football league in the country will kickoff in October with FOUR former NFL head coaches leading each of the fou
r teams.

With all games this fall scheduled to be on n
ational TV, the league suddenly has more legitimacy then the adoption papers of Madonna's children.

However, it wasn't always like that, rumors of the
UFL's existence swirled for months. Much like Bigfoot and a good Lindsay Lohan movie, no one had any proof that it actually existed.

So this is where the interview kicks off (Pictured below, a kid in a wheelchair gives Brett Dietz a t-shirt... or is it the other way around?)

Interview with Brett Dietz

INSIC: Rumors of the UFL started back in December. How did you first hear about the UFL?

BD: I heard some rumors about the league from former Tampa Bay Buccaneer Frank Murphy while we were training in Tampa, FL. Then I followed the news just like everyone else did, on the internet.

The most amazing thing about Dietz's answers is that he knows AP style writing (interview was done via email, so he wrote everything). He's a better writer then half the bloggers on the internet.

INSIC: June 19 (Draft Day) comes. Did you expect to be drafted? Did someone call you on draft night? Or did you see your name in the media and just think, 'wow, I guess I'm playing for San Francisco?

BD: I actually thought the draft was on the 20th so I wasn't expecting anything. I got a text message from an unknown number at about 10pm saying that I was drafted, but I didn't know by who. Then I got word that you could follow the draft on Twitter, so I had to sign up for Twitter and try to follow it but they only released a few former NFL names. Ultimately I thought it was a marketing ploy by Twitter to get more people to sign up. I got duped into being a Twitterer. (Dietz's twitter page)

This is hands down the best answer to any question ever. It needs no summary.

INSIC: This league has the NFL's fingerprints all over it. The coaches, some of the players. Would you say that one of the benefits of playing in the UFL is that you're being seen and working under high caliber coaches like Dennis Green?

BD: Definitely. It instantly gives the league more credibility when you bring in former NFL coaches. I think this will only help the league thrive and I look forward to playing for Coach Green and absorbing all of his wisdom.

Again, we can't help it, but here's a link to the best coaching meltdown of all time, courtesy of then Cardinals coach Dennis Green, Mr. "They are who we thought they were."

INSIC: How does your wife feel about everything? Are you going to stay in Tampa or are the two of you packing up and moving to San Francisco?

The wifey is excited about the situation, but she is going to stay in Florida. We are actually going to train in Arizona with Las Vegas in Casa Grande, AZ. Then we will fly to all the games. That will be an adjustment not living and practicing
in the same city that you are playing for.

All UFL bloggers take note. California and Las Vegas will be training together in Arizona. Oh and we aren't going to mention the wifey's name because we don't want any crazy fans stalking Mrs. Dietz.

INSIC: What has been the biggest shock in your football career so far (could be the good type of shock or the bad type of shock): playing in Finland, winning the AFL rookie of the year award, getting drafted by an upstart football league that's quickly gaining respect? Playing on the same team as John Breech for two seasons?

BD: The biggest shock of my career was on September 4th, 2000, it was a Wednesday. That was the first and only time John Breech ever punted the
ball further than me. Needless to say I never let it happen again. But other than that I would have to say the 2007 season and winning rookie of the year.

Dietz is a funny guy. INSIC founder John Breech was recruited to punt at Hanover, Dietz was recruited to play quarterback. Who in the name of Ray Effing Guy knew that Dietz was also an All-American punter. This story ends when Breech gives up on life, transfers to Miami (OH) and hopelessly watches as Dietz punts his last two seasons at Hanover... on top of his quarterbacking duties.

INSIC (Note, this question was asked 48 hours before the team nickname was announced as the Redwoods): Any tidbits you can give the readers. Do you know the team's nickname yet? Do you know anything about Shane Boyd (Former U. of Kentucky QB that Dietz will be competing with)? Do you feel like you can definitely be the starter for San Francisco (now the California Redwoods)? Have you heard anything about them thinking about signing Tim Rattay?

BD: I don't have a lot of details to give you. I know I'm going to be ready to compete when training camp rolls around. I have a lot of experienc
e in pro football and I'm going to use that to my advantage. I heard rumors that we are going to be the Rockfish, which I like a lot better than some of the other names I've heard around the league. I can rock the Rockfish.

Dietz, we're sorry for erroneously reporting that the team might be called the rockfish, but we are a blog, so erroneously reporting something is what we do best.

INSIC: Any clue on salary right now?

BD: As far as I know everyone is going to get 35k,
with some type of playing bonuses.

Further research has revealed that starting quarterbacks may end up making between $65,000-$75,000 a season, Dietz obviously does not know if he will be the starter yet.

INSIC: The AFL was canceled back in December, what in the hell did you do to stay in shape for the last seven months. You obviously had to look sharp in workouts to get drafted, whats your secret, I think everyone in America would like to know?

BD: It has a lot to do with dedication and staying focused. I've been training for football for most of my life so it is not something that you can just tu
rn off and all of a sudden not have the desire to train and throw the football. Ask Brett Favre. It also frustrated me that I was at the peak of my career and it was of no fault of the players that the league was canceled.

We swore three months ago that this blog would never mention Brett Favre again, thanks a lot Dietz, you just cost us 12 more readers and we only have 23.

INSIC: Is there a hope that this experience can be parlayed into an NFL job? Especially since you're playing for NFL guys (Your quarterback coach, Mike Kruczek, was once the Offensive Coordinator for the Cardinals, so he knows an NFL arm when he sees it)?

BD: Of course I hope it turns into an opportunity with the NFL. Every athlete wants a shot to prove themselves and I've never had a shot in the NFL, so I'm going to work hard and do everything I can do to make sure that I do get my shot. The UFL is a great avenue to do it.

INSIC: We'll end on this one. You haven't played outside in four years, is there going to be any adjustment for you as you head from the friendly confines of arena to the crisp cool air of outdoor football?

BD: My experiences in Arena are only going to help me going back to the outdoor game. Arena allowed me to quicken my release and taught me to anticipate more and rely on my insticts. I know I'm going to use these skills to my advantage
in the UFL.

There you have it people. Dietz and the California Redwoods start practice on September 10. INSIC's UFL fantasy draft will be the following week and our petition to get the UFL on bookmaker.com should be up and operating by the end of the month.

Pictured above is Brett Dietz modeling the uniform of his new team. Actually that's a black mannequin. We were going to buy Brett Dietz jersey's for everyone in Cincinnati, but lime green? Really? The team is called the Redwoods, there couldn't be just one sliver of red in there somewhere? Anywhere?

Friday, August 7, 2009

(United Football League) UFL Schedule Released: Thanks to San Francisco QB Brett Dietz For Sending it to us

The UFL has released its schedule and it seems that only 17 people in America care.

However, lets make that 18 because yesterday INSIC learned that Brett Dietz (pictured at top), a college buddy of INSIC founder John Breech, is in a hotly contested battle to be the starting quarterback for the San Francisco Rockfish (Note: Apparently none of the teams have nicknames yet, someone told us they're the Rockfish, so that's what we're calling them. Note number two: UFL training camp starts Sept. 10, so when we say hotly contested battle above, we mean it will be about a month before Dietz makes Boyd look like Ryan Leaf's less talented twin brother).

Former 2007 Arena Football League (AFL) Co-Rookie of the Year Brett Dietz will soon be dueling it out with former University of Kentucky Quarterback Shane Boyd to be the starting quarterback for the UFL team on the left coast.

The San Francisco team is coached by former Minnesota Viking and Arizona Cardinal head coach Dennis Green, i.e., Mr. "They are who we thought they were." Also on the team is Cardinal WR Larry Fitzgerald's little brother Marcus.

Anyway, back to Brett. Dietz has moved from Kentucky (Covington Catholic), to Indiana (Hanover College) to Finland to Tampa (AFL Tampa Bay Storm) and now to San Francisco to keep his dream alive of playing professional football. There's also a one or two stints in AFL2 somewhere in there, but that's irrelevant and boring.

Dietz was finally on the verge of stardom in 2007 (he won his rookie of the year award in his first full season in the AFL playing for the league's most successful franchise, the Tampa Bay Storm), but his stardom wasn't quite to be because the AFL folded up like the Bengals offense in the fourth quarter of a division game against the Steelers.

So once again, Dietz was without a job. That led to his newest stint in San Francisco. The former Hanover College stud was one of only six quarterbacks taken in the UFL's inaugural draft on June 19.

Anyway, here's the UFL schedule and if you're lucky, we'll put up an interview with San Francisco's newest citizen this weekend (San Fran games are in bold).

Wait, before the schedule, we'll make two really quick comments about the schedule, one good and one bad.

First, the good news: every game is on national television and yes America, VERSUS counts as national television. This is definitely a good thing for a fledgling football league. Plus we here at INSIC have HDNet, so we're thinking about starting a UFL fantasy football league.

The bad news: If we're not mistaken (and we never are), the Championship game is the day after Thanksgiving. We don't work for Nielsen and we're not television executives here at INSIC but we have to imagine that TV ratings aren't too high that day because every bargain hunter in America is out shopping.

We say make the Championship the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, it's the number one bar night in America, so every sports bar in the country will have the game on. Regardless, if it's on Black Friday we'll be watching, unless San Francisco isn't playing in which case we'll be at Best Buy wrestling a $74 Blu-ray player from a grandma that thinks Black Friday is holier than Easter and Christmas combined.


Week 1
Thursday, October 8
San Francisco at Las Vegas
Sam Boyd Stadium 6:00 PM Pacific

Saturday, October 10
New York atFlorida
Citrus Bowl 7:00 PM Eastern

Week 2
Wednesday, October 14
Florida at Las Vegas
Sam Boyd Stadium 6:00 PM Pacific

Saturday, October 17
New York at San Francisco
AT&T Park* 6:00 PM Pacific

Week 3
Thursday, October 22
San Francisco at Florida
Citrus Bowl 7:00 PM Eastern

BYE WEEK Las Vegas & New York

Week 4
Thursday, October 29
San Francisco at New York
TBA 7:00 PM Eastern

Friday, October 30
Las Vegas at Florida
TBA 7:00 PM Eastern

Week 5

Wednesday, November 4
Las Vegas at New York
James M. Shuart Stadium, Hofstra, Uniondale, NY
7:00 PM Eastern

BYE WEEK Florida & San Francisco

Week 6
Thursday, November 12
Las Vegas at San Francisco
AT&T Park 6:00 PM Pacific

Saturday, November 14
Florida at New York
Rentschler Field – Hartford, Conn. 7:00 PM Eastern

Week 7
Thursday, November 19
Florida at San Francisco
AT&T Park 6:00 PM Pacific

Friday, November 20
New York at Las Vegas
Home Depot Ctr., Los Angeles, Calif. 6:00 PM Pacific

Week 8
Friday, November 27
Championship Game
Sam Boyd Stadium, Las Vegas, NV
Noon Pacific