Saturday, July 21, 2012

NFL Preseason: Tim Tebow versus the Bengals is more important than the Arena Bowl

This was Tim Tebow's haircut the last time he was in
Cincinnati for a preseason game. 

Tim Tebow is the gift that keeps on giving for Cincinnati Bengals fans.

Way back on January 1, on the final week of the NFL regular season, Tebow purposely played a horrible game against Kansas City (6/22, 60 yards, 1 INT) in a 7-3 Broncos loss. The Denver loss propelled the Bengals into the playoffs. Tebow could have used some of his Tebow magic to beat Kansas City, but instead he threw an interception on the Broncos final offensive play of the game, sealing the win for the Chiefs. Praise Tebow. Had the Broncos won, Tennessee would have been in the postseason and the Bengals would have stayed home.

One week later, Bengals fans were depressed after their playoff loss to Houston -- which is weird because you'd think we Bengals fans would be used to playoff losses by now. Anyway, as any Bengals fan knows, the only way Wild Card weekend was going to be salvaged was if the Steelers lost to the Broncos. Cue Tebow. Tebow's 80-yard touchdown pass to Demaryius Thomas on the first play of overtime sent the Broncos to the Divisional round and sent the Steelers home. Praise Tebow.

Now, Bengals fans have another reason to thank Tebow and here's why: the Bengals Aug. 10 preseason opener against the New York Jets is now going to be nationally televised. The NFL Network decided to bump Arena Bowl XXV in favor of Tebow vs. the Bengals. And yes, you read that right, an NFL PRESEASON game is being shown instead of the Arena Bowl, which is the Super Bowl of arena football. We're guessing that had more to do with Tebow than it did with the Bengals. Either way, Cincinnati fans that don't live in Cincinnati can now watch the game.

Oh and if you care about the Arena Bowl, it was set to kickoff at 7 p.m. ET on Aug. 10, the AFL has now moved the game to 10:30 p.m. ET from New Orleans.

You're probably thinking right now, "I didn't know Tebow was so awesome, well I did, but I didn't know he was Bengals awesome."

We would tell you to go to and get a TEBOW Bengals jersey made, but unfortunately, NFLshop won't allow it (trust us, we tried 112 times). However, there is an equally appealing alternative: you can get a Bengals jersey that says JESUS on the back, which is almost the same thing as TEBOW.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Former Bengal Nate Webster gets 12 years in prison for sex with a minor

Nate Webster was sentenced to 12 years
in prison Wednesday.
(Photo from
Having sex is almost always a good idea, unless you're having sex with someone who's underaged. Then it's a bad idea.

Former Bengals linebacker Nate Webster found that out Wednesday when he was sentenced to 12 years in prison after being convicted on four counts of unlawful sexual conduct with a minor.

The original conviction came on April 25, however, Webster wasn't sentenced until today. He was facing up to 20 years in prison for the charges.

Webster took the sentencing hard
(Photo by Glenn Hartong/Cincinnati
Although Webster, 34, played for the Bengals, Buccaneers and Broncos, the "former Bengals player" part of the story is being emphasized because the incident occurred in Cincinnati where Webster currently resides.

The underage girl that Webster had sex with was the daughter of a former Bengals assistant coach. However, neither the girl nor the coach were identified in court as to protect the identity of the girl.

Webster admitted to authorities in 2009 that he had sexual relations with the then-15-year-old girl. However, in 2010, Webster changed his story and said he didn't have sex with the girl until she was 16 -- the age of legal consent in Ohio.

The alleged victim, now 18, said that the encounters began when she agreed to babysit Webster's kids at his home in the summer of 2009.

Before the case went to trial, Webster had been offered a plea deal that would have only required four years in prison, however, he turned it down.

Despite signing a 5-year, $11.3 million contract in 2004, Webster never panned out with the Bengals, he started only three career games during his two seasons with the team.

Sunday, June 3, 2012

RIP Dallas Latos' Twitter Page

Dallas Latos quit Twitter Saturday, but she left us these pictures.
Four days ago, Dallas Latos was inventing Reds drinking games with her Twitter followers, but it looks like she won't be doing that anymore because Dallas doesn't have any Twitter followers: she closed her account.

Latos closed her Twitter account Saturday, presumably sometime around the third inning of the Reds road game against the Astros. That's when Dallas' husband Mat was on the Rodney King end of a 7-run Astros beating. The male Latos was pulled from his start against Houston after only 3.1 innings, he surrendered seven hits and seven runs (four earned) in a game the Reds won 12-9.

Josh Campbell is not a big Dallas Latos fan. If you're not a
fan of Josh Campbell, you can let him know on Twitter.

The problem for Dallas this season has been that when Mat sucks on the mound, Reds fans usually head to Twitter and take it out on her. And then instead of ignoring stuff, Dallas gets defensive.

For example, back on April 18, Mat started against the Cardinals and things didn't go to well. Latos gave up eight earned runs in 5.2 innings of work and the Reds lost 11-1. The division favorite Reds dropped to 4-8 on the season and Mat Latos instantly became the least popular person in Cincinnati.

This guy decided to give Dallas Latos sex advice.

Fans took to Twitter that night and it wasn't pretty. One fan called Mat Latos a bum, another fan told Dallas to not give Mat a blow job that night. Things got so bad, Dallas threatened to close her Twitter account, although she didn't.

Dallas threatened to quit Twitter on April 18.

So it appears that instead of dealing with another round of Mat-bashing Saturday, Dallas decided it would probably just be easier to close up shop.

Dallas doesn't exactly shy away from
Now Dallas does look like the innocent victim here, but that's not completely the case. She seems to enjoy the attention, because if she didn't, why else would she start her own blog on and do national interviews with outlets like CBS Sports.

Dallas is naive if she thought she could get on a public forum like Twitter and assume that everyone was going to be nice to her. Before closing her account Saturday, Latos had several thousand followers on Twitter and had branded herself as a smart, funny follow. In the baseball world, she was known as Mat Latos' wife, but on Twitter, Mat was Dallas Latos' husband.

If Dallas gets back on Twitter, she'll need to do a better job of ignoring Mat's critics. Once the anti-Mat fans realized how thin-skinned Dallas was, they went after her and they went after her hard. And then they sat back and enjoyed her going on the defensive.

Our advice: come back to Twitter Dallas. We actually liked you. Stop Google/Twitter searching your and Mat's names every 30 seconds because when you do that, you're not going to like what you see and you're going to get mad. Instead, keep being funny. Keep tweeting about how the TSA stole your underwear. Keep making up Reds drinking games. Block people if you don't like them. And please keep in mind that five or six times a year, Mat is going to suck on the mound and when he does, people are going to say crappy things. And when they do, you don't have to defend him, you can simply log off Twitter and come read our blog because that's what people do when they're really bored.

Dallas needs to stay relevant so we can
keep posting pictures of her. 

***6/6/12 Update: After scaring us into believing that she would never be on Twitter again, Dallas Latos has returned, exactly 83 hours and 59 minutes after she left. Here's a link to her Twitter account, here's her explanation for leaving***

Friday, June 1, 2012

Aroldis Chapman Hotel Room Robbery Update: Chapman's "Girlfriend" is a Married Stripper

This is what a married Colombian stripper looks like. 
On Wednesday we wrote about a robbery involving Aroldis Chapman's "girlfriend" -- and keep in mind, we're using the term girlfriend as loosely as possible here, actually we're only using it because that's what Pittsburgh media called her in their initial reports. The truth is, depending on you believe, she may be an escort, a stripper or both.

Anyway, according to police reports, Chapman's "girlfriend," Claudia Manrique, was tied up and robbed in a Pittsburgh area hotel Tuesday night. That's the only known fact so far, everything after that is kind of dicey.

Following the robbery, Manrique was interviewed for over 10 hours by Pittsburgh area police. Generally, authorities don't talk to people for over 10 hours unless they think there's something fishy going on. And as you're about to see, this thing is fishier than the plot of Free Willy 3.

After interviewing Manrique, the PPD came to the conclusion that Chapman probably wasn't the target in the robbery and that the target was in fact, Manrique.

During her 10-hour interview, Manrique, who works as a stripper in Baltimore, told authorities that someone posing as a hotel maintenance worker came into her room and then tied her up and robbed her. Well, police aren't exactly buying that according to KDKA in Pittsburgh.

Chapman had a rough month of May, he was
arrested in Ohio two weeks ago. 
Authorities now believe that Manrique knew the suspect and that the suspect was there to collect a debt from Manrique. Which would explain why the suspect only took $5,000 in valuables and didn't take the $200,000 in jewelry that was in Chapman's hotel room.

The suspect is believed to be associated with drug dealers in Baltimore. And of course, as everyone knows, Baltimore is known for three things: crabcakes, football and drug dealers.

Besides the fact that Manrique may have known the suspect, there's also this: Manrique was accused of stealing money from a man in December. Manrique allegedly stole $2,000 from Shahryar Kamouei during a December trip to Las Vegas. Kamouei pressed charges and that case is now pending in Maryland state court.

Wait, that's not all.

When Manrique was released after police questioning Wednesday, she was picked up at the Zone 2 Precinct by her husband, who she may or may not be separated from.

But don't worry, there's an explanation for her having a husband. Manrique, who's originally from Colombia, allegedly told Kamouei that she only got married to get a green card. And let's be honest here: who hasn't done that?

Oh and if you're wondering how Chapman and Manrique met, Chapman says the pair met two months ago in Washington D.C.

OK, that's enough for now, we don't want to overwhelm you on a Friday.

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Aroldis Chapman's Girlfriend Gets Robbed and Tied up in Pittsburgh Hotel Room

Aroldis Chapman's hotel room was robbed Tuesday,
however, the suspect did not get away with
Chapman's prized princess backpack.
Aroldis Chapman is having a bizarre month. And because we don't use the word bizarre lightly here at INSIC, here's what we mean: in the last two weeks, Chapman has A. been arrested B. had an $18 million lawsuit filed against him and C. had his hotel room robbed. That's all in two weeks. To put that in perspective, it takes 21.5 weeks for a baby dairy goat to go from conception to birth.

Anyway, lets get back to letter C., the 'hotel room robbed' thing. 

While Chapman was at PNC Park in Pittsburgh Tuesday night -- the Reds were in the middle of an 8-1 win over the Pirates -- a man knocked on Chapman's hotel room door. Of course, Chapman wasn't there, because again, he was at PNC Park. 

According to reports, Chapman's 26-year-old girlfriend answered the door and let the man in. Now why did she let a stranger in you ask? The man claimed to be a maintenance person who was there to fix a broken toilet. 

After entering the room, the fake maintenance man demanded items from Chapman's girlfriend. When she refused, the man tied her up with dinner napkins and proceeded to steal anything he could get his filthy paws on, including: a computer, clothing, some jewelry and a credit card.  

Chapman's girlfriend was eventually freed when fellow hotel guests heard her crying for help.

Pittsburgh police are currently investigating the situation, but if they're as bad at their jobs as the Pirates are, the investigation could take years. 

On a somewhat positive note, Chapman has seemingly been unfazed by the robbery, his arrest and the pending lawsuit: the Cuban missile has given up exactly zero earned runs this season in 26 innings pitched.  

Reds 3B Todd Frazier Saves a Man's LIfe with Heimlich Maneuver: #ToddFrazierFacts Trends on Twitter

Todd Frazier hit a home run with no hands Sunday, which is a good thing
because he needed his hands Monday to perform the Heimlich on a man
that was choking to death. 
Reds third baseman Todd Frazier had the team's biggest save of the season Monday and it had nothing to do with baseball.

While at dinner in Pittsburgh with teammate Ryan Ludwick, Frazier noticed a man choking. And we're not talking LeBron James at the free throw line during the fourth quarter of a big game choking, we're talking a piece of food lodged in your throat choking. A giant piece of food.

Frazier, who hit a walk-off homer against the Atlanta Braves last week and who also hit a NO-HANDED homer against Colorado on Sunday, took his awesomeness to a new level when he saved the choking man's life. The rookie infielder used the Heimlich Maneuver to dislodge what was a apparently a dinosaur-sized piece of steak.

"I don't know what it was -- it was a monster piece," Frazier told the AP after Tuesday's win over Pittsburgh. "The lady he was with was crying, and it was like surreal. Never done it before in my life."

Frazier gave a few more details about the incident to's Mark Sheldon: 

“I said ‘I think that dude is choking over there.’ He was a little obese and there were two women side-by-side trying to give him the Heimlich. [Ludwick] said get over there because I was the closest one. So I went over there and was yelling at them to get out of the way. They did and I gave two pumps and it came out.”

Todd Frazier Facts took over Twitter Tuesday. As did
LSD apparently. 
Frazier's lifesaving act of kindness didn't go unnoticed either. Hours after the story made its way onto the internet, #ToddFrazierFacts became a hashtag on Twitter and not just any hashtag, it trended nationally.

If you're not on Twitter and all of this hashtag talk is making you want to punch a stray cat, please take a minute and go punch a stray cat.

OK, welcome back.

Anyway, here are some of the best Todd Frazier facts from Twitter:

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Reds Fan Catches Two Home Runs In a Row, then Gives Them Both Away

The Reds fireworks guy worked OT against the Braves on
Monday (photo via flickr)
Home run balls are a lot like sex-starved super model girlfriends: you're chances of getting one are around zero percent. Unless your Caleb Lloyd that is.

During the fourth inning of Monday's Reds-Braves game, Lloyd caught not one, but two home runs. Even more amazing, the home runs were back-to-back. Even more amazing than that, Lloyd gave both home run balls AWAY. Even more amazing than that, Lloyd spells his last name with TWO 'L's'!!

Anyway, back to Lloyd and the Reds.

Caleb Lloyd caught two home run balls,
but kept zero of them.
(Photo via Cincinnati Enquirer)
With two outs in the bottom of the fourth, pitcher Mike Leake jacked his first career home run off of Braves starter Mike Minor.

The ball literally landed right in Lloyd's hand. "I caught it and then it bounced off the palm of my hand and then I reached out and grabbed it," Lloyd told the Cincinnati Enquirer. "It hurt really bad, so I'm like, 'I'm not doing that again.'"

Hungover people say "I'm not doing that again" all the time, and they always do it again, and so did Lloyd. Three pitches after Leake's homer, Zack Cozart smashed a home run into the left field stands and guess who caught it: Lloyd.

"The second one bounced behind me and then bounced in my lap," Lloyd said. "My buddy's like, 'you caught a second one!' I was like 'oh my gosh, this is crazy.'"

Even crazier, the Reds got a third home run in a row -- that Lloyd didn't catch -- when Drew Stubbs jacked one out of the park. It was Stubbs' second homer of the day.

In the Reds 4-1 win over the Braves, all five runs came via solo homers.

The story's not over though. Instead of rubbing it in everyone's face that he caught two home run balls, Lloyd did something slightly nicer: he gave both of them away.

He gave Leake's homer back to Leake, "I gave it back because I know it's Leake's first ever home run. I just want to meet him and shake his hand."

As for Cozart's home run ball, Lloyd threw it at a stray dog outside Great American Ballpark. OK, that's a lie. He gave it to his friend. "I gave the Cozart one to my buddy, whose uncle actually got us the tickets. I gave him the ball because he was kind of one of the reasons I was here."

Click here for a video interview with Lloyd. Click here for a clip of the Reds' back-to-back-to-back home runs. Click here if you've always wanted to order a shake weight, but couldn't find the website.

Friday, May 18, 2012

Cincinnati Reds Outfielder Jay Bruce is the Oldest Person Alive

Jay Bruce is the youngest looking 225-year-old ever
(photo via @Emilyfaith87)
Forty-nine year old Jamie Moyer is no longer the oldest person in Major League baseball, that title now belongs to Reds outfielder Jay Bruce. In the top of the second inning Friday, the Yankees scoreboard operator let out the big secret: Bruce is actually 225-years-old.

Old, Jay Bruce is.
This means Bruce isn't only older than Moyer, he's also older than Charles Dickens, Mark Twain and every president from Millard Fillmore on.

Bruce has only been in the big leagues for five years, but if Yankee Stadium's scoreboard is to be believed, he was already 72 when the Reds played their first professional game in 1869. If Bruce's agent is any good, Bruce will be an adult diaper spokesman by the end of the weekend.

Anyway, Bruce's old age worked against him Friday. The 5-year veteran went 0-for-4 in the Reds 4-0 loss to the Yankees. Bruce struck out twice. However, in the fourth inning, Bruce proved that not all 225-year-old people are useless when he threw out Robinson Cano at second base as Cano tried to stretch a single into a double.

Bruce's age does answer a lot of questions though: the rumor about him demanding a contract extension that would add 118 years to his current deal now make a lot more sense.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Is Carson Palmer a Fun Golf Partner? This Random Guy, Who's Probably a Raiders Fan, Says Yes

Carson Palmer didn't throw any pick-6's on the golf course Tuesday
(photo via Horsemeatsandwich)
Last year, after Carson Palmer diva'd his way out of Cincinnati, we swore we'd never write about him or horses ever again. We have nothing against horses, but Carson Palmer probably likes them, so we don't.

Anyway, we're ending our Carson Palmer/horse ban today by writing about both.

On Tuesday, a commenter that goes by the name "HorseMeatSandwich," played golf with Carson Palmer. And he shared his experience with the world.

When I walked into the clubhouse to check in, all the workers at the desk had their jaws dropped. I paid and all, and while I was signing the receipt the guy at the register asked "So, are you an NFL fan?" I said yes, and he said, "Carson Fucking Palmer just checked in." 
Sounded like Palmer just showed up unannounced, and he was just by himself. No posse or anything. Honestly, if the guy at the desk didn't say anything I might have played a whole round of golf with him and thought "Wow, this dude looks a little like Carson Palmer."

According to Mr. HorseMeatSandwich, he showed up at the Tilden Golf Course in Berkeley, Calif. to play a round of golf by himself. If you've ever showed up at a golf course by yourself, you may know that the course will sometimes pair you up with someone to expedite the playing process.

Well, the course paired up Mr. HorseMeatSandwich with another golfer that showed up by himself: Carson Palmer.

He kept his headphones on most of the time, but if I asked him a question or started small talk, he took them off and would happily answer me. On one hole I lost a ball and he spent almost 5 minutes trudging through the weeds helping me look for it even though I told him it was fine and that he didn't need to. He was a really nice guy, actually.

Here's what we learned from HorseMeatSandwich's story: Carson paid for his round AKA he didn't get comp'd. Carson plays golf with earphones in. Carson is a good golfing partner, as evidenced by the fact that he helped Mr. HorseMeatSandwich look for his ball.  Carson shot an 80. Carson does not eat Horse Meat Sandwiches.

Have you ever played golf or gone horse back riding with Carson Palmer? If so, tell your friends about it because we don't want to know.

Sunday, May 6, 2012

12 Years Later: Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger Finally Gets Degree From Miami, Ohio

Ben Roethlisberger actually did something productive with his
offseason (photo via @MiamiUAD_b2)
When most people hear the words "Ben Roethlisberger" and "offseason," their first reaction is "oh crap, what'd he do this time?"

In 2006, Roethlisberger tried to kill himself on a motorcycle.

Roethlisberger graduated college this
offseason, in 2006, he almost killed himself.
(AP/Keith Srakocic) 
In both 2009 and 2010 Roethlisberger was accused of rape. Although to be fair, the 2009 case (the Nevada case) actually happened in 2008, he just wasn't accused until 2009 and he wasn't accused of rape, he was accused of sexual assault. And to be even more fair, no criminal charges were filed in either case.

Anyway, thanks to Ben's newest offseason endeavor, you can stop the Rapistberger jokes and start making "college graduate-berger" jokes because Roethlisberger is now officially a college grad.

The Steelers quarterback walked in Miami University's graduation ceremony on Sunday, 12 years after enrolling at the school. He received a Bachelor's of Science degree in Education.

Roethlisberger, who QB'd Miami from 2001 to 2003, holds pretty much every career quarterbacking record at the school: most pass attempts (1304), most completions (854), most touchdown passes (84), most passing yards (10,829), anyway, we don't want to bore you, but there are more here.

Of course Roethlisberger's most notable accomplishment came in 2003. In his final game at Miami, Roethlisberger and the Redhawks beat the elephant testicles out of Bobby Petrino and Louisville in the GMAC Bowl.

Margin-wise, it's one of Petrino's top 10 worst losses as a coach and it still is Petrino's largest bowl loss to date. Everyone hates Bobby Petrino, so this should make everyone happy.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

TMZ: Former NFL Star Junior Seau Found Dead, Apparent Suicide

The scene outside of Junior Seau's house in San Diego
(via @AdamHousley)
Former NFL linebacker Junior Seau was found dead this morning of an apparent suicide, according to Seau's body was found at his home in San Diego, where he spent 13 of his 20 NFL seasons.
Seau played for the Chargers, Patriots
and Dolphins in his 20-year NFL career. 

According to Fox News correspondent Adam Housley, Seau was found dead by his girlfriend with a gunshot wound to the chest.

UT-San Diego reports that a 911 call regarding a suicide was made around 10 a.m. PT.

Seau becomes the eighth member of Chargers 1994 Super Bowl team to pass away. All were under the age of 45 when the passed.

In October 2010, Seau was arrested for domestic violence.

Hours after being released from jail in 2010, Seau drove his Cadillac Escalade off of a cliff in Carlsbad, Calif.

Seau insisted he wasn't trying to kill himself and that he had simply fallen asleep at the wheel.

The NFL has faced widespread criticism about it's handling of concussions and Seau's suicide isn't going to help.

Seau's vehicle after the former NFL star drove
off a cliff in 2010. 
If reports are true that Seau did in fact shoot himself in the chest, he may have done it to preserve his brain, just as former Bear Dave Duerson did when he committed suicide in February 2011.

Studies on Duerson's brain ultimately proved that he suffered from chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE), a degenerative disease linked to reported head trauma.

The NFL is currently being sued by dozens of former players who allege that the league, other than the last three or four years, has looked the other way on concussions. Seau's death may only bolster the case that the former players have against the NFL in what could turn out to be a multi-billion dollar lawsuit.

According to, as of April 24, 62 players are involved in the lawsuit against the league.

The suit was changed from a personal injury case to a wrongful death lawsuit following the suicide of former Atlanta Falcons safety Ray Easterling. Easterling died of a self-inflicted gunshot wound on April 19, 2012.

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Bengals Undrafted Free Agent Signings

Hide yo children: Vontaze Burfict is headed for Cincinnati
If you were in Cartagena getting sloppy seconds from Secret Service agent hookers over the weekend, you may have missed the NFL draft. If you did miss the draft, you'll have to go to,, or one of the 1,000 other sites to find out who the Bengals drafted, because we're not going to tell you.

This post is for one thing and one thing only: to provide a list of undrafted free agents who have signed with the Bengals.

LB Vontaze Burfict, Arizona State
DE Julian Miller, West Virginia
WR Justin Hilton, Indiana State
S Tony Dye, UCLA
CB Derrius Brooks, Western Kentucky
WR Kashief Moore, Connecticut
RB Rodney Stewart, Colorado
DE Brandon Joiner, Arkansas State
WR Taveon Rogers, New Mexico State
QB Tyler Hansen, Colorado
OL Ben Bojicic, Bowling Green
S Emmanuel Lammur, Kansas State
OL Landon Walker, Clemson
Bubba Forrest, New Mexico
OL Trevor Robinson, Notre Dame
OL Mike Ryan, Connecticut

(H/T to Joe Reedy. H/T to Twitter)

***Update: the Bengals released the official list on May 2, you can find it here***

Friday, April 27, 2012

Prank Caller Convinces Rutgers WR Mohamed Sanu That Bengals Drafted Him in First Round **Update** Bengals Draft Sanu in Third Round

Mohamed Sanu's first football card most
likely won't be in a Bengals uniform. 
A few Bengals fans were shocked when the team took Wisconsin guard Kevin Zeitler with the 27th pick in the draft Thursday, but nobody was more shocked than Rutgers wide receiver Mohamed Sanu.

Why was Sanu shocked? Because he thought the Bengals were going to draft him. 

Only minutes before the Bengals announced their second first round pick Thursday, Sanu received a phone call from someone purporting to represent the team. The caller told Sanu the Bengals were going to draft him. 

Sanu was having a draft get together in South Brunswick, NJ and the get together turned into House Party 5 when everyone found out Sanu was going in the first round -- Sanu had been projected to go in the second or third round.

Long story short: when Roger Goodell hit the podium at Radio City Music Hall, he didn't have a notecard with Sanu's name on it, he had one with Kevin Zeitler's name.  

The prank caller was so believable that Sanu's agent tweeted out: Sanu to Bengals!!!

Anyway, you might be wondering, "why would a second or third round projection believe he was going in the first round."

Well, there's two reasons Sanu found the call believable:

1. He only worked out for three teams: the Bengals, Jets and Giants. 


2. Its the Bengals. One of the team's many needs is a No. 2 wide receiver. Sure, Sanu would have been a reach at 27, but the Bengals practically wrote the book on reaching, so the pick wouldn't have been that shocking. 

The lesson learned here is simple: don't answer your phone on draft night.

Second lesson learned: If someone calls from a New Jersey area code saying they're with the Bengals, they're probably not with the Bengals.

(H/T to

**Update** This story has a happy ending. The Bengals ended up drafting Sanu anyway in what we can only imagine was a really awkward phone call. 

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Bengals 2012 Regular Season Schedule Released

How many pick-6's will Carson Palmer throw against
the Bengals? Find out on Nov. 25. 
If you don't have Bengals season tickets, 2012 is probably the year to get them, unless you hate good quarterbacks of course, because there will be a lot of those coming to Paul Brown Stadium this season.

The good QBs coming to PBS: the Manning brothers will be in Cincinnati in consecutive weeks, so Archie will probably just rent a cottage. Tony Romo comes to town in December. Romo's career passer rating in December is zero. Ben Roethlisberger visits on a Sunday night. The Bengals should try and fill Paul Brown Stadium with college girls for that game, because as everyone knows, nothing good happens when Roethlisberger is around college girls at night.

The OK QBs coming to PBS: Joe Flacco.

The games you shouldn't attend because the opposing team's QB will be horrible: the Dolphins game. The Browns game.

The game you should attend if you hate Carson Palmer as much as we do: the Raiders game. The NFL schedule maker fell asleep at the wheel, Carson's return is not in prime time.

So when are these QBs coming to PBS? The dates are official now, the NFL released the Bengals 2012 schedule Tuesday.

Bengals 2012 Schedule

Mon. Sept. 10 (7 p.m. ET, ESPN) -- At Baltimore

Sept. 16 (1 p.m. ET, CBS) -- Cleveland

Sept. 23 (1 p.m. ET, CBS) -- At Washington

Sept. 30 (4:05 p.m. ET, CBS) -- At Jacksonville

Oct. 7 (1 p.m. ET, CBS) -- Miami

Oct. 14 (1 p.m. ET, CBS) -- At Cleveland 

Oct. 21 (8:20 p.m. ET, NBC) -- Pittsburgh

Oct. 28 (1 p.m. ET, CBS) -- BYE

Nov. 4 (1 p.m. ET, CBS) -- Denver

Nov. 11 (1 p.m. ET, Fox) -- N.Y. Giants

Nov. 18 (1 p.m. ET, CBS) -- At Kansas City

Nov. 25 (1 p.m. ET, CBS) -- Oakland

Dec. 2 (4:15 p.m. ET, CBS) -- At San Diego

Dec. 9 (1 p.m. ET, Fox) -- Dallas

Dec. 13 (8:20 p.m. ET, NFLN) -- At Philadelphia 

Dec. 23 (1 p.m. ET, Fox) -- At Pittsburgh

Dec. 30 (1 p.m. ET, CBS) -- Baltimore

Quick Notes: 

- From Weeks 2-6, the Bengals will play five teams who combined to go 24-56 in 2011.
- After the Week 2-6 stretch, the Bengals will get to spend 34 straight days in Cincinnati. The team has no road games from Oct. 15 thru Nov. 17.
- If Peyton Manning's neck doesn't fall off in the Broncos opener against the Steelers, then the Manning brothers will visit in consecutive weeks in November.
- The Bengals may not have a Merry Christmas: three of their five December games are on the road. The five teams combined to go 48-32 in 2011.
- The Bengals are one of only four teams that end the season with two straight divisional games.
- The Bengals open and close the season with Baltimore.

Our early prediction is that the Bengals go 16-0 and win the Super Bowl.

Bengals Reportedly Opening 2012 Season at Baltimore on Monday Night Football

The NFL schedule is set to be released at 7 p.m. today, but details are already starting to leak out like urine from an unpotty trained puppy.

One of the juiciest details actually involves the Bengals. According to WNST-TV in Baltimore, the Bengals will open the season against the Ravens on Monday Night Football.

If past seasons are any indication, the game will be the first of an MNF doubleheader and will kick off at 7 p.m.

Baltimore and Cincinnati also kicked off the 2007 season on Monday Night Football. The Bengals won that game at PBS 27-20.

To get you excited, we've included this video from a Bengals Monday Night game in 1986:


Monday, April 16, 2012

NFL Schedules 2012 NFL Schedule Release for Tuesday (April 17)

Unless the NFL twitter feed got hacked, it looks like the 2012 schedule will
be released on Tuesday, April 17. 

Just when it looked like Tuesday was going to be the worst day of the year -- that's when your taxes are due and no one likes doing taxes or paying them -- the NFL karate chopped the tax man by making a big announcement on Twitter Monday: the NFL schedule will be released April 17.

Rumors had been swirling for weeks that April 17 would be the day (we mentioned it back on April 4), but the NFL didn't make the announcement official until today.

A couple schedule tidbits:

The Bengals have opened on the road in six of the last eight seasons.

Each team is guaranteed at least one prime time game this season, so the Bengals will be on at night at least once. Coming off a playoff year, our guess is that they get three night games: one Pittsburgh, one Baltimore and Carson Palmer's return to Cincinnati.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Bengals Free Agent WR Jerome Simpson Sentenced for Pot Delivery Escapade made this photo. We really liked it, so we're using it. 

Stoners, here's a new math problem you might want to remember: eight and a half pounds of marijuana will get you 15 days in jail.

Bengals wide receiver Jerome Simpson, who's technically not a Bengals wide receiver right now because he's a free agent, was sentenced Thursday to 15 days in jail.

If you spent September 2011 without an internet connection or you were really high, you may not have known that Simpson was detained by police after having two and a half pounds of marijuana shipped to his house in Northern Kentucky. Police intercepted the shipment, then searched Simpson's home where they found six more pounds of green fun.

We're to lazy to rehash (pun intended) the entire story, so you can catch up on it here.

Simpson actually lucked out. The prosecution wanted him to serve 60 days in jail, but thanks to his sweet front flip scoring TD against Arizona last season, the judge knocked it down to 15 days (Note: Our belief is that if Simspson can front flip into the end zone like he did against Arizona, he should be able to have all the illegal drugs he wants to delivered to his home).

Anyway, besides the 15 days in the slammer, Simpson will also be on probation for 3-years, he'll have to complete 200 hours of community service and pay a $7,500 fine.

Simpson is expected to begin serving his jail sentence today (April 5), which means unless the Easter Bunny delivers to jail cells, Simpson is going Easter Basketless this year.

WCPO has a story with Simpson quotes he gave from the defense stand today. All we have is this awesome YouTube video of Simpson's flip.

Reds Opening Day 2012: A Photographic Essay without the Essay

The front page of the Cincinnati Enquirer
is exactly what you'd expect it to be on
Opening Day: a kid talking to a statue.

No one from INSIC is at Great American Ballpark for Opening Day today, but it seems like  everyone on Twitter is. What does that mean? It means we're going to steal the best pictures from Twitter and post them here.

If you thought you were up early drinking this morning, you have nothing on
the Reds mascots who have been at the bar since 6 a.m. (via @Reds)

If you're ever in Des Moines, Iowa on Opening Day,
remember to score your free coney (via @poynorch)

Lance McAlister's son is posing with a drunk, possibly drug-laced, Reds
version of Zorro (via@LanceMcAlister)
This is either the most dedicated Reds fan ever or
the scariest... or both. (via @justinhiteart)

This is INSIC's company car (via some girl on Facebook who doesn't want credit)

For some reason, Aaron Boone is still popular in Cincinnati
(photo via Aaron Boone's stalker)

If your day didn't start with Reds branded Belgian waffles,
then you're not doing Opening Day right. 

This is the only way to travel on Opening Day (via @JimDayTV)

Opening Day can start, one of the Lachey's is at GABP
(via @VanessaLachey)

A view from the cheap seats, although at Opening Day none
of the seats are exactly cheap (via @ChipMahaney)

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Bengals Release 2012 Preseason Schedule

These are the only three fans in Cincinnati that are excited for preseason football.

Nobody cares about preseason football, but we still felt obligated to post this, mainly because its NFL news in April and everyone loves NFL news in April.

Bengals 2012 Preseason Schedule

Week 1 (Aug. 9-13) -- New York Jets. Call the Pope, call your priest, if you have a kid with a terminal illness, get him to Paul Brown Stadium, Tim Tebow is coming to Cincinnati. 

August 16 (8 p.m. ET, Fox) -- At Atlanta. The Carrot Top Cannon vs. Matty Ice on national television. Get your carrots and beer bongs ready. Also, don't be shocked if the Georgia Dome is 86 percent full with people wearing A.J. Green jerseys. Green was a legend at UGA which is only about an hour from Atlanta.

Week 3 (Aug. 23-27) -- Green Bay Packers. Starters usually see some serious playing time during week three of the preseason, so this game may not actually be a waste of money. Expect 2011 NFL MVP Aaron Rodgers to play at least a quarter. Also, bring cheese, Packers fans will do anything for cheese.

Week 4 (Aug 30-31) -- At Indianapolis. The Bengals and Indy are basically friends with benefits. They get drunk all night, swear they won't hookup, but then leave the bar together every time to have sex. Or in football terms, the two teams always end the preseason together. Starters don't usually play in the final preseason game, but if presumptive No. 1 draft pick Andrew Luck struggles at all during training camp, the Colts brass may decide to play him in a series or two against the Bengals.

Preseason note: In case you're wondering how worthless the preseason is, consider this: the Bengals have made the playoffs three times under Marvin Lewis. In those three seasons, they went 2-2 (2005), 2-2 (2009) and 1-3 (2011) in the preseason.

The Bengals went 4-0 in the 2006 postseason, but missed the playoffs. By three feet. How do you miss the playoffs by three feet? Your kicker (cough, Shayne Graham, cough) misses a 39-yard field goal in the season finale that would have clinched a playoff spot.

If the NFL sticks to its usual calendar, the regular season schedule should be released some time in the next two weeks, we're guessing April 17.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Reds Give All of Their Money to Joey Votto: INSIC Obtains Exclusive Contract Details

Joey Votto is now the richest person in Cincinnati. 
USA Today reported Monday that the Reds and Joey Votto have come to terms on a 10-year contract extension worth $225 million.

Its the fourth biggest contract in MLB history and will make the Votto the richest man in Cincinnati not named Carl Linder. And since Carl Linder isn't actually alive, Votto is in fact, the richest man in Cincinnati and probably all of Ohio.

To put Votto's $225 million contract in perspective, consider this: the entire Cincinnati Reds franchise is only worth $424 million, according to Forbes.

INSIC exclusively obtained a copy of Votto's contract and here's what the slugger will also receive, besides the $225 million:
Votto will have final say
on all Cincinnati Bengal
challenge calls. 

- Free Skyline chili for life. According to our insider, Gold Star balked at the free chili clause and was only willing to offer 50 percent off.

- The contract also clearly states that Votto now owns Over the Rhine. OTR was recently valued at $112, which means Votto's contract is actually worth $225,000,112, contrary to media reports which said $225,000,000.

-  Votto will receive free 98 Degrees CDs, courtesy of Nick Lachey. Lachey will also sing "Happy Birthday" to Votto on all even birthdays for the rest of Votto's life.

- Oktoberfest will be renamed Vottoberfest.

- Votto will have final say on all Marvin Lewis challenge calls during regular season Bengals games. Early projections suggest that with Votto's help, Marvin Lewis' challenge success rate should increase from zero percent last season to 99.8 percent this season.

- Kroger will pay Votto $5 for every box of Vott 'O's cereal sold. Since the box of cereal only costs $3.99, Kroger will be losing $1.01 for every box they sell. Also, Kroger is giving Votto a Kroger plus card, which could save Votto anywhere from $500 to $1000 per year depending on his grocery shopping habits.

Thanks to Kroger, 120 percent of all Vott'O's
Cereal sales will go to Joey Votto. 

Friday, March 30, 2012

God Answers Cincinnati's Prayers: 98 Degrees Planning Reunion Tour

98 Degrees peaked in 1999. Thanks to their reunion, expect them to re-peak in 2012.
If you talk to people from Cincinnati, most of them want to see three things happen before they die: they want someone to invent a car that operates on chili instead of gas, they want the Bengals to win a Super Bowl and they want to see a 98 Degrees reunion tour.

Nick Lachey is Cincinnati's
only celebrity.
If you would have asked us this at the beginning of the year to rank the likelihood of each thing happening, we would've said 1. chili powered car 2. 98 Degrees reunion 3. Bengals winning Super Bowl.

Well, it looks like our rankings would have been wrong.

Accoring to -- we've never heard of them either --  Cincinnati native Nick Lachey is getting the band back together for a 15 city reunion tour that would take place in July and August.

If you've lost your Boy Band reunion tally card, 98 Degrees would be the third boy band in 12 months to go on a reunion tour, New Kids on the Block and the Backstreet Boys toured together last year. And yes, we're trying to find out if  LFO, Hanson or O-town have anything up their sleeves as far as reunions go.

Anyway, back to 98 Degrees, since we know you're wondering, here's a quick update on the band members:

Nick Lachey got tired of having sex and being married to Jessica Simpson, so he married Vanessa Manillo. He's expecting a baby with Manillo, but he might not have time to raise it because he could be the new host of Live with Regis and Kelly. He's currently the rumored frontrunner for the job.

Why should you like Nick Lachey?
Because he makes his wife wear Bengals jerseys.

Drew Lachey won season two of Dancing with the Stars, then fell off the face of the earth.

Justin Jeffre should not be famous.
Justin Jeffre is alive, which is all the information we currently have on him. A little refresher on Jeffre AKA the 98 Degrees member that nobody's ever heard of: he ran for mayor of Cincinnati in 2005 and lost. Badly. Six years later, Jeffre joined the Occupy movement. He was so good at being apart of the 99 percent that he got arrested.

Jeff Timmons is a chippendales dancer in Las Vegas.

If the reunion tour hits Cincinnati, we promise to have live coverage. If someone invents a chili powered car, we promise to have live coverage of that too.