Friday, March 30, 2012

God Answers Cincinnati's Prayers: 98 Degrees Planning Reunion Tour

98 Degrees peaked in 1999. Thanks to their reunion, expect them to re-peak in 2012.
If you talk to people from Cincinnati, most of them want to see three things happen before they die: they want someone to invent a car that operates on chili instead of gas, they want the Bengals to win a Super Bowl and they want to see a 98 Degrees reunion tour.

Nick Lachey is Cincinnati's
only celebrity.
If you would have asked us this at the beginning of the year to rank the likelihood of each thing happening, we would've said 1. chili powered car 2. 98 Degrees reunion 3. Bengals winning Super Bowl.

Well, it looks like our rankings would have been wrong.

Accoring to -- we've never heard of them either --  Cincinnati native Nick Lachey is getting the band back together for a 15 city reunion tour that would take place in July and August.

If you've lost your Boy Band reunion tally card, 98 Degrees would be the third boy band in 12 months to go on a reunion tour, New Kids on the Block and the Backstreet Boys toured together last year. And yes, we're trying to find out if  LFO, Hanson or O-town have anything up their sleeves as far as reunions go.

Anyway, back to 98 Degrees, since we know you're wondering, here's a quick update on the band members:

Nick Lachey got tired of having sex and being married to Jessica Simpson, so he married Vanessa Manillo. He's expecting a baby with Manillo, but he might not have time to raise it because he could be the new host of Live with Regis and Kelly. He's currently the rumored frontrunner for the job.

Why should you like Nick Lachey?
Because he makes his wife wear Bengals jerseys.

Drew Lachey won season two of Dancing with the Stars, then fell off the face of the earth.

Justin Jeffre should not be famous.
Justin Jeffre is alive, which is all the information we currently have on him. A little refresher on Jeffre AKA the 98 Degrees member that nobody's ever heard of: he ran for mayor of Cincinnati in 2005 and lost. Badly. Six years later, Jeffre joined the Occupy movement. He was so good at being apart of the 99 percent that he got arrested.

Jeff Timmons is a chippendales dancer in Las Vegas.

If the reunion tour hits Cincinnati, we promise to have live coverage. If someone invents a chili powered car, we promise to have live coverage of that too.

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Bengals Cheerleader Who Doesn't Have STD's Arrested for (Allegedly) Having Sex with Student

Sarah Jones' mugshot isn't the most attractive picture she's ever taken.
Bengals cheerleader Sarah Jones apparently loves two things: 1. the spotlight and 2. (allegedly) having sex with her students.

First, for those of you that don't recognize her name, Jones was in the news back in August 2010 when she (kind of) successfully sued

Jones before she started sleeping
with students. alleged that Jones was a walking STD and that she was having sex with several Bengals players. Jones denied it, filed a lawsuit and won. The only problem is that Jones sued Dirty World Entertainment Recordings, which owns and not Dirty World LLC, which owns

Jones was awarded $11 million in that case, but still hasn't collected due to the mixup. A judge will rehear that case beginning in June. You can catch up on that case here.

Anyway, Jones is in the news again today because she has been arrested for (allegedly) having sex with one of her students. According to Fox 19, Jones resigned from her teaching post last November for "personal reasons." AKA she was (allegedly) sleeping with a student, but she wasn't giving the student any STD's because she doesn't have any, as we learned from the August 2010 case.

Jones (allegedly) slept with the student from October until December of last year.

Jones lawyer, who 19 months ago we called the worst lawyer ever, can't really defend her right now because he's suspended by the Kentucy Bar Association.

The best part about this: Jones appeared on the Anderson Cooper show back in November to talk about how's STD allegations had ruined her life. What she forgot to tell Anderson Cooper on the show is that she was a month into a sexual escapade with a high school kid.

Sarah Jones probably didn't tell Anderson Cooper she
was (allegedly) boning a high school kid when she went
on his show in November.

Jones' mother Cheryl Jones, an elementary school principal, was also arrested.

Both ladies are due in court on April 2.

Sarah Jones has been charged with first-degree sexual abuse and unlawful use of electronic means to induce a minor to engage in sexual or other prohibited acts. In terms that Jose Canseco can understand, she used her cell phone to send text messages to a minor to setup sexual escapades.

Cheryl Jones was indicted on one charge of tampering with physical evidence.

The Jones' lawyer, Charles Lester Jr., has said that both women will plead not guilty.

The Bengals, who are always on top of everything (and still employ Jones as a Ben-Gal) have already released a statement, "The Club is aware of the situation and it's an ongoing process to collect the information that can guide the appropriate actions as warranted."

INSIC's Six Question/Five Answer 2012 Cincinnati Reds Preview that's Hotter than the Girl Below

If we've learned one thing here at INSIC, it's that hot girls equal hits.
Just like the Reds, INSIC took 2011 off. Sure we put up the occasional post, but they were all pathetic and the effort was abysmal, kind of like the Reds were down the stretch last year.

Well, we have good news: Opening Day in Cincinnati is exactly one week away and INSIC is going to celebrate by returning from the dead (AKA we're going to post more than once a month).

We're also going to celebrate by filling a bathtub up with a 50-50 mixture of whiskey, orange Fanta and Joey Votto's sweat. What we're going to do with that mixture, we haven't decided yet.

Anyway, that's enough gibberish, lets get to our seven question/six answer 2012 Cincinnati Reds preview. And yes, we promise at least one picture of Dallas Latos in this post, actually, she's hot, so let's do two.

1. The Reds pissed me off last year. Will they piss me off this year? 

Last season everyone who pretends to know anything about baseball jumped on the Reds bandwagon. The over/under on Reds 2011 wins in Las Vegas was 87. employs 45 people who write about baseball -- which is 46 more than we employ -- 27 out of 45 of those writers predicted the Reds would win the Central.

What nobody took into account was this: pro team's in Cincinnati are not allowed to have two consecutive successful season's in a row. Like Megan's Law, the law of averages and Law and Order, it's a law. This law has been in effect since 1991. Basically, what we're saying is this: no Reds fan familiar with this law should have been pissed about last season.

As for this year, the Reds upgraded, which means they have to be almost the automatic favorite in the Central. And that's mainly because Albert Pujols is in California, Prince Fielder is in Michigan and Tony LaRussa is out somewhere rescuing stray animals.

2. Who was a bigger free agent pickup for the Reds: Mat Latos or Dallas Latos?

With the Latos trade, all of Cincinnati wins.
The answer right now is Dallas. If Mat wins World Series MVP, then we'll switch to him. Either way, this is the most entertaining couple to hit Cincinnati since Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson were dating.

With Mat, the Reds got a steal. Sure they gave up two first round draft picks (Yonder Alonso & Yasmani Grandal), but if baseball history has taught us one thing, it's this: no one with a first name that starts with the letter "Y" has ever been any good at baseball. Ever. Its like a hot girl named Mildred, they don't exist.

The Reds also lost Edinson Volquez in the Latos deal, but losing probably isn't the right word. The Reds gave him away. Volquez has done the equivalent of nothing since 2008. Blame his elbow surgery, blame his mom for not breast feeding him, blame whatever you want, but getting rid of Volquez was the right move.

As for Dallas, she's hot, funny and entertaining. You should follow her on Twitter, but please, do not follow her in real life, because that would be creepy. Anyway, she has a blog (its like our blog, except for feminine and a lot better), she has giveaways and she tweets pictures, you can't really ask for more in a player's wife. Well, you can, but not much more.

3. Will Ryan Madson's injury hurt the team? Who will be the closer?

Former Phillies closer Ryan Madson signed with the Reds on Jan. 10. Two and a half months later, a ligament in his elbow went "Ki-Jana Carter ACL" on him and now Madson's out for the season, before the season has even started.

So who will be the Reds closer this season: according to the Associated Press, Dusty Baker is leaning toward a closer by committee approach.

Dusty Baker has never made a good pitching decision in his coaching career, so there's a 100 percent chance this strategy will backfire. Best case scenario for the Reds here is that they win all their games by four or more runs and never need a closer.

4. Is there a "Keep Joey Votto Fund" that Reds fans can donate too?

In case you missed it, Detroit signed Prince Fielder to a 9-year, $214 million contract this offseason. Basically what this means is that when Joey Votto hits the free agent market after the 2013 season, the bidding might reach $2 billion (we're exaggerating, but only slightly).

If you're a Reds fan, we have two suggestions: 1. make sure to really appreciate Votto this season and next because they could be his last two years here. 2. If you win the Mega Millions, plan to spend half of your $540 million jackpot on Votto.

5. If I have season tickets to the Reds, how much weight will I gain this season?

A lot. The Shit my Dad says guy pretty much summed up Cincinnati with this quote, "I'm in Cincinnati at a Waffle House that's across from two Waffle Houses. Everyone's fat. This city is fucking hall of fame of diabetes."

Apparently, Cincinnati is the Hall of Fame of diabetes.

As if Funnel Fries weren't enough, Great American Ballpark is adding some new items to the menu this season that could make diabetic comas an hourly occurence. Among the added items: fried Kool-Aid. If you're goal in life is to reenact the Super Size Me movie, forget McDonald's, eat all your meals at Great American Ballpark.

6. INSIC has been pretty dead on with Reds and Bengals predictions: what's your prediction for the 2012 Reds?

We're going to make our Reds prediction by quickly breaking down their schedule.

First, its a given that the Astros are going to go 0-162 this season. The Astros suck. The Reds play them 15 times, so that's 15 wins.

Another given is that no matter how well the Cubs play this season, they're going to completely collapse after the All-Star break. The Reds play the Cubs 10 times after the break, so that's 10 more wins.

So to get to 90 wins, all the Reds would have to do is go 65-72 in their 137 other games.

Since the N.L. Central was formed before the 1995 season, it's taken an average of 92.8 games to win the division. We don't think the Reds will get there, but we do think they'll win the division with a record of 88-74.

You can never have too many pictures of Dallas Latos.