Is Carson Palmer a Fun Golf Partner? This Random Guy, Who's Probably a Raiders Fan, Says Yes

Carson Palmer didn't throw any pick-6's on the golf course Tuesday
(photo via Horsemeatsandwich)

Last year, after Carson Palmer diva'd his way out of Cincinnati, we swore we'd never write about him or horses ever again. We have nothing against horses, but Carson Palmer probably likes them, so we don't.

Anyway, we're ending our Carson Palmer/horse ban today by writing about both.

On Tuesday, a Reddit.com commenter that goes by the name "HorseMeatSandwich," played golf with Carson Palmer. And he shared his experience with the world.

When I walked into the clubhouse to check in, all the workers at the desk had their jaws dropped. I paid and all, and while I was signing the receipt the guy at the register asked "So, are you an NFL fan?" I said yes, and he said, "Carson Fucking Palmer just checked in." 

Sounded like Palmer just showed up unannounced, and he was just by himself. No posse or anything. Honestly, if the guy at the desk didn't say anything I might have played a whole round of golf with him and thought "Wow, this dude looks a little like Carson Palmer."

According to Mr. HorseMeatSandwich, he showed up at the Tilden Golf Course in Berkeley, Calif. to play a round of golf by himself. If you've ever showed up at a golf course by yourself, you may know that the course will sometimes pair you up with someone to expedite the playing process.

Well, the course paired up Mr. HorseMeatSandwich with another golfer that showed up by himself: Carson Palmer.

He kept his headphones on most of the time, but if I asked him a question or started small talk, he took them off and would happily answer me. On one hole I lost a ball and he spent almost 5 minutes trudging through the weeds helping me look for it even though I told him it was fine and that he didn't need to. He was a really nice guy, actually.

Here's what we learned from HorseMeatSandwich's story: Carson paid for his round AKA he didn't get comp'd. Carson plays golf with earphones in. Carson is a good golfing partner, as evidenced by the fact that he helped Mr. HorseMeatSandwich look for his ball.  Carson shot an 80. Carson does not eat Horse Meat Sandwiches.

Have you ever played golf or gone horse back riding with Carson Palmer? If so, tell your friends about it because we don't want to know.

Carson Palmer Traded to Raiders plus Bengals Fans Rejoice and is Mike Brown the new Thomas Jefferson?

Carson Palmer's fake smile is Oakland's problem now.

The only way Tuesday could have been better for Bengals fans is if Mike Brown would have fired himself.

Brown's incredibly crazy, stubborn strategy of holding on to Carson Palmer paid off in a huge way Tuesday morning when the Raiders gave the Bengals a 2012 first round pick and 2013 second round pick for the much maligned quarterback. The 2013 pick becomes a first round pick if the Raiders make the AFC Championship game in 2011 or 2012.

Is Mike Brown the new
Danny Ocean? INSIC
says yes.

I haven't seen a heist like this since the third time I saw Ocean's 11. And the fact that it was masterminded by Mike Brown makes it even harder to believe.

But lets be honest, Brown didn't exactly mastermind this, it fell into his lap. This would be like dumping your girlfriend and then going to Costco and having a 3-some with two of the cashiers there who also happen to be lingerie models.


Three thoughts from the biggest in-season trade in NFL history.

THOUGHT ONE

I'm going to compare Mike Brown to Thomas Jefferson. I completely understand the shocking nature of the prior sentence, if you aren't prepared for the comparison, please feel free to skip to the next thought. Also feel free to punch me in the face next time you see me.

The Palmer-to-Raiders trade is the Louisiana Purchase of NFL deals.

For you non-history buffs or people who are too drunk right now to remember anything from sixth grade, here's the Louisiana Purchase in a nut shell: Napoleon was dealing with all sorts of crap in Europe and he needed money really, really, really, really bad (Kind of like the Raiders needed a quarterback really, really, really, really bad).

Napoleon was so desperate that he was willing to do anything non-sexual for money. He called up his boy Thomas Jefferson and offered the Louisiana Territory at a below market price.

Sidebar: The Louisiana Territory is made up of a bunch of great plains states that no one likes to visit, but it doubled the size of the country.

Better deal: Louisiana Purchase, getting two first round picks
for Carson Palmer or paying $5 to get to second base with a bear.

Long story short: Jefferson had all the leverage (Mike Brown had all the leverage in the Palmer trade) and T. Jeff ended up paying 3 CENTS a square mile for the Louisiana Territory.

Napoleon got what he wanted ($15 million), Jefferson got what he wanted -- he took advantage of Napoleon like a guy takes advantage of a drunk girl who's on her first rebound date after being dumped -- and everyone was happy.

Mike Brown got what he wanted -- two first round picks. And lets not kid ourselves, the Raiders probably threw in a Kroger Plus card.

The Raiders got what they wanted -- a starting quarterback. Everyone went home happy.

THOUGHT TWO

Mike Brown doesn't make this deal under the old collective bargaining agreement (CBA).

If you bore easily, skip the next five paragraphs.

The NFL lockout was because of the old CBA. Prior to 2009, contracts for first round picks were gigantic, for instance, Matthew Stafford, the 2009 first round pick, signed for 6-years, $72 million with $41.7 million of that guaranteed.

Mike Brown is the stingiest person in the world. Its common knowledge that he hangs around homeless people and asks them for change. Mike Brown doesn't want to give $41.7 million to anyone.

Under the new CBA, he doesn't have too. Cam Newton, the first pick of the 2011 draft, only signed for $22 million guaranteed. That's $20 million less than Stafford got. You know what that means. It means Brown can afford two 2012 first round picks for the price of one 2009 first round pick. The Bengals also save about $40 million in contract money by getting rid of Palmer.

Bottom line: Mike Brown is still a cheap skate. If there were no NFL lockout he wouldn't have made this deal. Wasting money on first round picks is why he turned down the Redskins offer for Ochocinco in 2008 and why he turned down the Saints offer for Ricky Williams in the 1998 draft.

Quick refresher: in 1998, the Saints were going to pretty much give the Bengals all of their picks just so they could move up in the draft and take Ricky Williams. Because Mike Brown has the football acumen of a hairless cat, he passed up the offer.

THOUGHT THREE

Carson's only friend left in
Cincinnati is this guy.

Carson Palmer is going to kick ass in Oakland. This one's obvious right?

All Bengals fans know how Bengals karma works. A player leaves the team only to find incredible success somewhere else.

Exhibit A: Ryan Fitzpatrick.

Exhibit B: Everyone that's ever played for the Bengals and gone onto to play for another team.**

**This does not apply to Shayne Graham. There can only be one productive red-head in the league at a time. Luckily for Bengals fans, its Andy Dalton right now.

Anyway, using this logic, we can ascertain that Palmer will win 11 Super Bowls, four MVP awards and the Powerball lottery while he's playing for the Raiders.

Oh and look for Carson Palmer to start Sunday against the Chiefs because God knows Kyle Boller isn't going too.

Bengals-Raiders: Bo Knows It's Been a Horrible Series, But INSIC Dug Up Three Non-Horrible Games

Bengals and Raiders fans, grab a five hour energy drink, your favorite fur coat and an eye patch and get ready to relive the three most exciting games in series history. (Editor's note: Men are only allowed to wear fur coats if they are older than 60, have dementia and/or are near death. Ironically, all three of these describe Raider's owner Al Davis, pictured below).


And when we say get ready to relive the three most exciting games in history, we're slightly exaggerating. These two teams never play in exciting games against each other. It's like watching two blind people play tennis, only less fun. However, after a week of looking, we think we found three fun games.

Fact to Impress Drunk People With: Bengals all-time leading scorer Jim Breech spent 13 of his 14 career NFL seasons in Cincinnati. The one that wasn't in Cincinnati: Breech's rookie year of 1979, which he spent with Oakland.

All-Time Series: Oakland/Los Angeles leads 17-8 in regular season*, 2-0 in the playoffs.

* = will be 17-9 Raiders after Sunday

Lets get to the countdown:

3. Sept. 13, 1992, at Cincinnati

Bengal legends Harold Green and Derek Fenner (pictured) both scored touchdowns in this game, but it almost wasn't enough for the win. A 1-yard touchdown run by Marcus Allen late in the fourth quarter tied the game at 21 and sent it to overtime.

Most teams hate overtime, but not the Bengals because their kicker at the time was Mr. "NFL record for overtime kicks" Jim Breech. Breech nailed a 34-yard field goal in the sudden death period that sent the Bengals and rookie head coach Dave Shula to 2-0. And yes, you read that correctly, Dave Shula started a season 2-0 and it would have been 3-0 if not for this game, involving this person that INSIC wants to do this too.

Result: Bengals 24, Raiders 21

2. Dec. 28, 1975, at Oakland

The Bengals traveled to Oakland in 1975 for only the third playoff game in franchise history. The mighty Raiders had gone 12-2 in the regular season, but Bengals fans had high hopes for the game. Why? Because one of the Raider's two losses came at the hands of Cincinnati. Not to mention, the Bengals themselves had finished the regular season with the highest winning percentage in team history (11-3, .783).

Unfortunately for Cincinnati, for three quarters, the Bengals looked a lot like the 2009 Cleveland Browns. Early in the fourth quarter, Cincinnati found themselves trailing 31-14. Game over? Not so fast my friend.

Ken Anderson threw fourth quarter touchdown passes to Issac Curtis and Charlie Joiner to cut the Raider lead to 31-28. On Oakland's next possession, JaMarcus Russell wasn't the quarterback, but the Raider's still went three-and-out. The Bengals then got the ball back with a chance to win or tie. Or neither. Cincy would go four-and-out and fall to 0-3 in playoff games.

Result: Raiders 31, Bengals 28

1. January 13, 1991, at Los Angeles

This game put Tecmo out of business and ruined Nike's sweetest ad campaign ever. And we have Kevin Walker to thank. In the second half of a tantalizingly close game, Walker ended Bo Jackson's football career with a tackle that damaged Bo's hip (Pictured at the top of the page).

This game was also exhibit A for why Bo was unstoppable in Tecmo Super Bowl. In the three quarters preceding the injury, Jackson had racked up 77 yards on SIX carries. We can probably all agree that if Bo doesn't get injured, Tecmo Super Bowl would have sold 6 billion copies and the Madden franchise would have never started. Which means Playstation 2 would have never existed, which means Playstation 3 wouldn't be here which means that X-box would be a cool name for a dog, but not a video game machine and everyone in the world would be dead. So Kevin Walker single-handedly stopped the apocalypse, OK, he didn't stop it, he just delayed it until 2012.

Lets get back to the game though. After Jackson went out with his team up 10-3, the Bengals came back and tied it in the fourth. However, the Raiders would score 10 more points to win the game. The most embarrassing part of the loss is that Jay Schroeder was the Raider quarterback at the time. Say that again, 'Jay Schroeder.' There are paper plates with more talent than Schroeder. The Bengals lost to a glorified paper plate.

For the next 19 years, when broadcasters would say 'The Bengals have only been to the playoffs once since the 1990 season,' this is that game. The game that started the playoff drought.

Result: Raiders 20, Bengals 10