Schottzie Says: Don't Get No-Hit Tonight Reds

After Wednesday night's nuclear holocaust that was game one of the National League Divisional Series, we here at INSIC thought long and hard about what the Reds can do to win game two.

Here's what we came up with:

1. Don't get no-hit: This seems like common sense, but after Wednesday night, we realize it's not. It is impossible to win a baseball game without getting a hit. Although, theoretically you could win without a hit if a bunch of people got walked and/or hit by pitches and/or got to base on dropped third strikes in the same inning. But we probably shouldn't count on that strategy tonight.

2. Score a run: as the Braves proved last night, even if you don't get no-hit, it is impossible to win a baseball game without scoring a run. Sure, the only Giants run was scored by a guy that was caught stealing second (pictured below) and yes, if the umpire had made the correct call, the two teams would still be playing right now tied at zero (by our count, the game would be in the 92nd inning and Lincecum would probably have close to 400 strikeouts). But we don't care about that series, we only care about this one. Score a God Damn run Reds.

3. Don't Eat Cheesesteaks: For the love of Marge Schott, if you ate a cheesesteak today, then don't watch the game, you're a horrible fan and you're bad luck. As long as the Reds are playing Philadelphia, there is to be no support of anything Philadelphia. Burn your Rocky DVD's, punch Will Smith in the face if you see him, start an illegal dog fighting ring and frame Michael Vick for it. We don't care what you do, just do something.

Prediction for tonight: Schottzie says 5-3 Reds.

Reds-Phillies: Should They Even Play the Series; Plus the INSIC Quick Pick

If you're a Reds fan and you haven't checked out ESPN.com or SI.com today, don't bother. Its like reading the Vatican's take on evolution or David Duke's opinion on black people. Both sites are spewing hate and lies.

Between the two sites, there are 21 "experts" making picks on the Reds-Phillies series, 21-out-of-21 picked Philadelphia to win. You can't even get 21-out-of-21 to agree that smoking pot with a cop in a port-o-let at a Dave Matthews concert is awesome. So how in the crap can 21 people agree that the Reds are going to lose?

That's were we come in, since ESPN and SI won't do it, we're here to tell you why the Reds are going to win in what we're calling "the shortest Reds-Phillies Preview Ever Written."

Fun Fact that you can tell a Phillies fan right before you punch them: The last time these two teams met in a best-of-5 postseason series was 1976. The Reds swept their way to the World Series.

Reason Why its Sad to be a Pro Sports Fan in Cincnnati: The last time a pro sports team in Cincinnati won a playoff game was exactly 15 years ago today. On October 6, 1995, the Reds beat the Dodgers to become the first team ever to win a divsional playoff series.

Important Fact: Between the American and National League, the team that has won game one in the divisional series is 12-0 over the last three years.

Series Thoughts: The experts are saying that the Phillies can't lose game one because Roy Halladay is pitching. Halladay is apparently unbeatable, unless of course he gets beaten, which happened 10 times this season, including once to the Reds.

All the experts out there also seem to have a short memory, lets recap what happened the last time the Reds were in Philadelphia. It was a four game set played July 8-11.

Game 1: Phillies win 4-3 in 12

Game 2: Phillies win 9-7 in 10

Game 3: Phillies win 1-0 in 11 (Reds P Travis Wood took a perfect game into the 9th inning)

Game 4: Phillies win 1-0 in 9

The fact that the Reds lost all four games is irrelevant, what the series proved is that the Reds and Phillies are evenly matched. What happened when the two teams played in Cincinnati? The Reds took the 3-game series 2-1.

So what happens when you put two evenly matched teams in a best-of-5 series? The team with the most pluck wins.

What the hell is pluck? We have no clue, but the Reds have a lot of it. We'll take Cincinnati in five.

By the way, here's the Reds-Phillies schedule through Sunday:

Game two is at Philadelphia on Friday with first pitch at 6:07 p.m.

Game three is Sunday in Cincinnati!!!!!! First pitch is scheduled for 7:07 p.m., however, if the Twins-Yankees series ends Saturday night, then first pitch is moved to 8:07 p.m.