If the Stock Market Crashes Today, Blame the Cast of Jersey Shore

While ringing the opening bell on Wall Street today, the cast of Jersey Shore proved one thing: the New York Stock Exchange no longer has any standards when it comes to selecting 'famous' (and we use that term loosely) people to open up the trading day.

Today, Snooki, the Situation, Pauly D, J-Woww and some other people with weird nicknames made their way to the trading floor to ring the opening bell. This was all to promote season 2 of Jersey Shore, which kicks off on MTV on Thursday. Of course if you're a female between the ages of 15 and 29, you already knew that Jersey Shore kicks off Thursday because you've had your DVR set for it since December.

Our second favorite Jersey Shore cast member, Angelina Pivarnick, had a Facebook status update this morning that said her and the jersey gang were headed to Wall Street to ring the bell. We thought she was playing a terrible joke on humanity. Well it turns out she wasn't lying.

By the way, if you want to see pictures of Pivarnick's cleavage (like the one below), you're going to have to befriend on her on Facebook because Angelina got the boot for season 3 (or she quit, depending on whom you believe). According to every gossip site on the internet, this is Pivarnick's final season on the show.

Unfortunately this isn't the first time we've tortured our readers with a Jersey Shore themed post. In February, we chastised Ochocinco for embarrassing the Bengals organization, his city and his family when he posed for a picture with Pauly D and the Situation.

He still hasn't apologized.

Thanks to Ochocinco, Bengals Offseason Goes From Bad to Worse

Remember the year 2006 when 27 Bengals got arrested, well, it only took Ochocinco one snap of the camera to one up the stupidity of that entire off season.

The way we see it is if Rey Maualuga wants to drive a Pontiac Sunfire drunk (2010), that's fine. If Jonathan Joseph wants to possess marijuana (2007), go for it. If Frostee Rucker feels the need to commit spousal battery (2006), great.

But there is absolute no excuse for any self respecting man to be pictured with 'The Situation' or any other cast member from Jersey Shore. Chad's man card, self-respect and credibility have all been destroyed by one flash of the camera.

We here at INSIC will be burning our 85 jerseys tonight in a fire we will ignite with three matches and a bottle of Pauly D's hair gel.

If NFL commissioner Roger Goodell has a soul, he will suspend Chad at least two games for 'conduct detrimental to the league.'