Game Over for Pac-Man: Bengals Adam Jones Out for Season

Just when it looked like the Bengals season couldn't get any worse, Jason LaCanfora of the NFL Network goes and tweets this at 3:40 p.m. today: Adam "Pac Man" Jones out for season with a neck injury. Tough blow for him and the Bengals. He has been excelling on field and off


We're keeping our fingers crossed that a Japanese computer hacker broke into LaCanfora's account and tweeted these horrible lies. However, that is highly unlikely, which means LaCanfora's tweet is accurate, which means Pac Man is out for the season.


It looks like Inky, Blinky, Pinky and Clyde have claimed another victim. 

What did Jones do this season on defense for the Bengals? How about 13 tackles, one interception, a forced fumble, two fumble recoveries and a touchdown.

So basically, the Bengals bad defense just got worse.

Finally, there is one minor bright spot for everyone out there who was wondering why Daniel Coats is on the team. That bright spot: he is no longer on the team. The Bengals released the "tight end" today and we're putting tight end in quotes because calling Coats a tight end is like calling a dog a rabbit, it makes no sense at all.

If Ochocinco and Deion Sanders Daughter Reproduced, the Baby Would Win the Heisman Before it was in Preschool

Ninety-seven percent of NFL players agree, there's only three ways to get over a tough loss:

1. Go to a strip club and stare at boobs for 15 hours. If there are no strip clubs around, then find the nearest senior citizens home and stare at old lady boobs, which are almost as nice.

2. Smoke a quarter-pound of marijuana*

*= If Randy Moss isn't on your team, you probably will not have access to a quarter-pound of marijuana, in which case an eighth will do.

and of course, let us not forget number three:

3. Take a picture with a semi-famous hot chick who happens to be related to Deion Sanders.

Because Ocho hates boobs and weed, he went with option number three to get over Sunday's loss to the Falcons: Yup, that's Ochocinco and Deion's daughter in the picture at the top of the page.

If you're an NFL owner reading this and you find out these two are having a baby, it would probably be in your best interests to sign the kid to a 91-year, $4-billion contract. That is, unless the baby is a girl because then it would only be athletic enough to play for the Bills.

Because we haven't posted in a week, we're including a bonus picture of Deiondra in a bikini. You're welcome. Oh and we are not messing with you at all, her name is Deiondra. Apparently Deion Sanders only knows eight letters of the alphabet, that or he hates his daughter.

(If you're one of the six Bengals fans that reads mediatakeout.com, then you may have heard that Ocho and Deiondra went out on a date after Sunday's game. However, unless they had a 15-minute Big Mac date at McDonald's --which is possible, because this is Chad we're talking about after all-- the date didn't happen. Chad left the locker room about an hour after the game (when this picture was taken) and was on a plane back to Cincinnati about 90 minutes after that.)

What Did Ochocinco Send to Atlanta Falcons's DB's? Intimidating Looking T-Shirts that Aren't Intimidating at All

In between breaking stories about Jersey Shore's J-Woww and Lindsay Lohan's dad, TMZ.com took some time yesterday to break the news on a story that's actually not about douche bags (that is, unless you consider everyone in the Falcons defensive backfield douche bags).

Just after midnight last night, TMZ answered the question that 11 percent of Bengals fans have been asking themselves since Monday: What did Ochocinco send the Falcons DB's?

The answer: lame t-shirts.

In 2004, Ocho sent the Cleveland Browns Pepto Bismol. Chad said the Pepto was to help the Browns because they were going to get 'sick to their stomach' trying to cover him. Also, no one likes diarrhea on a football field, so this was successful in two ways.

Last year, Chad sent the Ravens DB's deodorant, so they wouldn't 'sweat' covering him. This was also a great idea, except that no one in the city of Baltimore wears deodorant, so they didn't exactly get the joke.

Lets ranks Chad's gift giving:

1. Pepto Bismol
2. Deodorant
763. Mad Chad T-shirt

If you've never seen the Mad Chad logo, then you obviously don't own Chad's iPhone app.

In other news: Indianapolis Colts punter Pat McAfee got really drunk last night and this girl really hates college. 

The Once-a-Month, One Question INSIC Mailbag Asks: Which Bengals Players are on Facebook?

Dear INSIC: I'm pretty sure that I'm the only girl that reads your blog, because of that, I was wondering if you could do me a big favor. Can you list of all the Bengals players on Facebook. I spend 14 hours a day on FB and I've run out of people to stalk, please help. 

INSIC: First, we should point out that the above letter confirms two things we already knew about females:

1. They now spend as much time on Facebook as they do getting ready to go out on a Saturday night.

2. Facebook stalking is a sport to them. A sport they're good at. A sport where men are the Los Angeles Clippers and women are the Lakers.

Now we also need to point something out: we received this question back in August, but because we're extremely lazy, we decided to take two months to answer it. There are some days here at the INSIC offices where we get less done than a dead hibernating bear.

Luckily for our question asker, the stars aligned last week: the Bengals were off and the Reds season ended, so when we weren't doing trampoline keg stands, we had a lot of free time on our hands. So without further adieu, here is the official list of Bengals players on Facebook.

Keep in mind, if you're a hot girl, the chances of a Bengals player accepting your friendship are 97 percent. If you are not a hot girl, the chances go down to 1.3 percent.

1. Jordan Palmer: If you had to guess one Bengals player that was on Facebook, Palmer would have been your first guess. Just look at the guy on Sunday, he's definitely not looking at plays on his clipboard, he's inventing web sites and writing up tips for Runpee.com.

2. Jerome Simpson: Jerome only gets to suit up for one game a season. So he has to do something with his free time, right? Oh and we can't write anything bad about Jerome because of what happened last time. INSIC founder John Breech got death threats. Well, they weren't death threats, but someone did say he was a "small dick loser." We're not arguing either.

3. Dhani Jones: He has his own television show, so a Facebook profile is kind of a step down for him. But he does have one.


4. Keith Rivers: All you need to know about Keith is that his favorite movie is House Party and his favorite show is Doug. Some inventive writer out there needs to combine those two things and make a movie out of it. Assuming they cast the part of Patty Mayonnaise correctly and she shows some boob in the movie; a Doug, House Party movie would make millions.

5. Kyle Cook: Our offensive line is falling apart, so unless you are Anthony Munoz and can actually help with technique, please do not send Kyle any friend requests, we need him to concentrate on football.


Oh and because we love our readers so much, we have two bonus people for you:

Former Bengal Eric Ghiaciuc, who wrote on Oct. 7 that he is "w/o a team right now, hoping to get picked up soon."

And then of course, there is our favorite profile of all:

Ryan D. Leaf: He's arguably the biggest draft bust in NFL history (David Klingler and Akili Smith might argue this), he once got arrested at the Canadian border because he was trying to flee the country and he became addicted to painkillers even though he only played NFL football for about two weeks. If you're a hot girl and you become friends with him, please send us all of his pictures and if you're really hot, you can send us pictures of yourself too.

And of course, if you lose all hope after getting your friendship request denied by all of your favorite Bengals, you can always 'like,' the official fan page, but that's for losers

Now there are some people out there probably saying, "You guys are stupid, how do you know these pages are real." To you, we repeat: we got the question at the top of the page in August. We have spent the last two months eating illegal mushrooms, teaching our pet squirrel to sit and making sure these are real.

Oh and if you're mad at the Bengals because they're 2-3 and would like to relive their glory days, you can do it through the following players: Eric Ball, Ickey Woods, David Grant, David Fulcher, Eric Thomas, Jason Buck, Jeff Blake, Louis Breeden, Reggie Williams, Skip McClendon, Keith Rucker, Tim McGee and Ron Dugans.

Worst Weekend Ever (Handcuffs Edition): Bengals Shocked, Reds Get Swept and Pacman Gets "Arrested"

(That really is Adam Jones pictured above and yes, he really is in handcuffs. The picture came from this guy, via twitter)

Handcuffs are fun in the bedroom, but they're not much fun anywhere else.

Cole Hamels handcuffed the Reds line-up last night.

The Cincinnati police department literally handcuffed Pacman Jones yesterday afternoon and the Bengals metaphorically handcuffed their fan base and bent them over backwards when they lost to the Buccaneers.

By the way, Jones was handcuffed because he drove onto a sidewalk.

According to him and witnesses, Jones drove on the sidewalk to avoid hitting another car. Police decided to detain him because (he's black) someone in their data base named "Adam Jones" had a warrant out for his arrest. When cops realized they had the wrong Adam Jones, they released Pacman. He was in custody for almost an hour.

Bengals Lose to Bucs on Blown Call (And Somewhat Crappy Play)

People on TV have claimed for decades that the camera adds 10 pounds.

But we've never heard that it adds three inches to the size of your right foot.

Well, the refs saw the same image above in the booth, but they still somehow managed to conclude that Michael Spulock's right foot landed in bounds. It never did. His foot didn't drag after the picture above was taken, he was knocked on his left side and his right foot never landed in bounds.

Should the refs die? Probably.

Should Carson have thrown three interceptions? No, but two of them weren't his fault.

Does the blown call matter? Kind of. Kickers hit 31-yard game winning field goals a lot more often than they hit 51-yarders.

Between the no-hitter on Wednesday, the 17 errors on Friday and the impossible loss by the Bengals today, the week from hell only continues for Cincinnati.

To the Refs of today's Bengals game, it's your fault that Its Never Sunny in Cincinnati.

Lance McCalister is the Miss Cleo of Reds Baseball

Love him or hate him, Lance McCalister is smarter than you (but probably has less hair).

At noon today, the 1530am sports host tweeted that Brandon Phillips would lead tonight's game off with a home run. Brandon Phillips led off tonight's game with a home run.

Since Lance can obviously see the future, someone needs to ask him if anyone at INSIC is going to get laid tonight and if they do, will the girl look like Snooki and if she does, should we call a a doctor about genital warts.