Official Statement From Roethlisberger on McNulty Sexual Harassment Civil Suit

In case you haven't noticed, we're digging pretty deep with our Roethlisberger photos. We're trying not to run the same crap as everyone else.

Anyway, here is the statement from Ben, just in case you can't transcribe as fast we can:


"I did not sexually assault Andrea McNulty. Saturday was the first that I learned of her accusations. Her false and vicious allegations are an attack on my family and on me. I would never, ever force myself on a woman. I want to fight to protect my family and my reputation. I'm not going to discuss my private life or this civil case in the media."

"I'll respond to her outrageous allegations in the appropriate form. I have an obligation to our fans, to my teammates, to my coaches and everyone in the organization to remain focused on the Pittsburgh Steelers, and I will do that. The allegations against me are reckless and false. As much as I'd like to answer everyone's questions, I'm going to respect the legal process and I am confident that the truth will prevail. Thank you."

As we theorized earlier, Ben was served Saturday July 18 (Case was filed Fri. July 17) and he was blindsided by the charges.

We have no clue why we have tirelessly covered this case, but we have and as such, we have even more information that the national media doesn't have yet.

Most people (read all men and Steelers fans) think Ben is innocent. If you're between 18-34, ask your closest male buddy if he did it, the answer your most likely to get, "That bitch is after Ben's money."

Well, if she's after the money, one would presume that she needs it. Thus, we just did what you would think any intrepid reporter would do in this situation: find out how much ANDREA MCNULTY makes per year.

That's right America, we asked our Harrah's source about McNulty's salary and we'll be releasing that later on tonight. Hopefully we don't get 'scooped' by RADAR online again.

Roethlisberger-McNulty Sexual Assault Civil Suit: The Timeline Might Surprise You

TIME LINE OF EVENTS IN ROETHLISBERGER CASE

July 11, 2008: Alleged events are said to have taken place in the late evening hours of July 11.

Our source says that soon after the incident, McNulty went to Guy Hyder (Head of Casino Security) and he said he would take care of it.

Our source also seems to think that Hyder went to John Koster (Regional President of Harrah's, Northern Nevada) and watered down the truth.

For example (This is a guess based on our sources information), if McNulty told Hyder she was sexually assaulted, Hyder probably went to Koster and said something like, "Oh, there was a little problem with Andrea up in Ben's penthouse, but I took care of it." Koster, being a president, probably trusts his head of security implicitly and therefore didn't give this another thought.

August-December 2008: Andrea McNulty was treated at five different hospitals during this time period. McNulty alleges that she was being treated for anxiety and depression directly related to the incident with Roethlisberger.

TMZ.com reported that their sources told them that McNulty was being treated because she was on an emotional swoon thanks to the death of a fictional soldier that she was in love with (It's a long story that we will never rehash again, search our past posts if you really want the details). Several sites have suggested that this tale has been fabricated in order to discredit McNulty.

March 2009: Harrah's informs McNulty that Roethlisberger will be playing in the 2009 American Century Celebrity Golf Tournament. This is the same tournament Roethlisberger was playing in when the alleged events occurred in 2008.

*Important* McNulty says Harrah's ordered her to take a paid two week vacation during the tournament to, as her suit puts it, "accommodate her assailant."

March Continued: At this point, McNulty hires her legal council in the form of Calvin Dunlap. Dunlap is no pushover, he's the man representing Nevada's first lady Dawn Gibbons in her divorce from state Governor Jim Gibbons. Not to mention, in 2007 he was named Nevada's Trial Lawyer of the Year (Only in Nevada).

Please reread that sentence and at least pretend to be a little shocked: Not only did McNulty retain a famous and high-powered lawyer she HIRED HIM IN MARCH.


When the suit was uncovered Monday night by Pro Football Talk, it was unclear if McNulty still worked at Harrah's, that is of course, until our own Deep throat sent us a Tuesday night email with this sentence, "I'm sure she has evidence to prove her allegations. There is no way she would still be employed at that Casino if she didn't."

We don't have high IQ's here at INSIC, but the sentence in BOLD pretty much spells out that McNulty still has her job.


So we had her work status Tuesday night, by Wednesday afternoon everyone was reporting that McNulty would be returning to work today (Thursday). Returning from what, why was she off... how about she was returning from her vacation that she said Harrah's made her go on.

First sign of bad news for Steelers fans: McNulty says she was asked to take a two week vacation during the tournament and she just happened to be on a two week vacation during the tournament.

So McNulty had a lawyer for a period of four months before filing the suit. Now before you say, "This is the stupidest chick in the world," keep in mind that for a civil suit to serve its best purpose, the papers need to be served in the state where said events took place. Since the sexual assault occurred in Nevada, McNulty had to wait until Roethlisberger returned to the state.

This means Ben got a rude surprise last weekend in the form of some fun paperwork. Now this also suggests that Roethlisberger didn't know he was going to be served. Because, lets face it, if you knew you were going to be hit with a sexual assault suit in Nevada, would you ever travel there again, HELL NO... What in the name of Terry Bradshaw is the point here you ask?

There are people out there under the impression that maybe McNulty and her lawyer tried to negotiate with Roethlisberger and when negotiations broke down, they dropped the civil suit on him. Well, if negotiations had broken down, then Roethlisberger would have known that he might be hit with some criminal or civil charges and he would have avoided being anywhere near this lady. We think its safe to say that Roethlisberger was blindsided by these charges.

April 2009: McNulty's lawyer makes request for security footage from night in question, he is turned down and has been repeatedly turned down for the past three months.

July 9, 2009: McNulty two week vacation starts.

July 16, 2009: First round of American Century Celebrity Golf Classic.

July 17, 2009: Civil suit is filed in Washoe County court at 3:55 PDT.

July 18-19: Roethlisberger is served on one of these two days. He obviously vets his friends closely because his camp kept the lid on the charges for at least two days.

July 20: Pro Football Talk breaks the story and all hell breaks loose. Roethlisberger's lawyer, David Cornwall issues a statement one hour after story breaks. Obviously Ben knew it was only a matter of time before the story broke, so he hired a lawyer. This takes us back to square one.


Oh and a quick aside, as we mentioned yesterday, we were the first anything (blog, web site, children's television show) to report that McNulty still had her job at Harrah's.

Just to get an idea of how stupid web journalism is, consider this, RADAR online reported yesterday exclusively that they were the first people to report that McNulty still had her job. Sorry RADAR, we beat you by about two and a half hours and the email with the job information even sat unread in our email box for seven hours. So suck our nipples.

Roethlisberger Case Gets More Interesting: Person with Intimate Knowledge of Harrah's Thinks that McNulty May Have Some Leverage *INSIC EXCLUSIVE*

If you're reading this and you have any friends that are Steelers fans or you are a Steelers fan yourself, you no doubt have an idea of how crazy Steeler nation is. If McNulty is not in the witness protection program right now, she should be.

Anyway, INSIC received an interesting thing in our email box last night, allegedly from a casino employee in the Tahoe area (we can't say where because we don't want to get anyone in trouble or killed, including ourselves. Casino owners are ruthless, watch Oceans 11-13 if you don't believe us).

Without further adieu, the contents of the message (we put the stuff in bold in bold):

First of all let me say. I love this Quarter Back. However, I know first hand about the politics at Harrah's Tahoe. Under no circumstances are you to call 911 unless you go through security. You are not allowed to file any kind of police report unless you go through security. These are grounds for immediate termination. In this Casino as well as many others. They constantly hold your job over your head. You have to put up with so much "BS" that you couldn't even imagine. So many people/celebrities come through the casino and do things that are caught on camera its despicable. Keep this in mind. I'm sure she has evidence to prove her allegations. There is no way she would still be employed at that Casino if she didn't. <--- McNulty still employed... Interesting.

Now why the hell anyone would send us a message like this is beyond us. However, thanks to Google analytics, INSIC knows two things: yesterday was the second biggest day in history of the blog (in terms of unique visitors) and along those same lines, the visits from the State of Nevada were number one.

Let me elucidate this a bit more: in two months, Nevada has sent, oh, lets say 12 visitors to this site. In one day, they go almost 15 times that.

Anyway, back to the message. If your a Steelers fan there is good news and there is bad news here.

The bad news is that the AP reported today that this young lady does still have her job, which means this messenger knew that before the AP reported it. So if McNulty does indeed have leverage, Mr. Super Bowl winning quarterback could be in trouble.

The good news Steeler fans, Mike Florio, in his weekly article for sportingnews.com, sees this ending one of two ways. Roethlisberger is found not liable for anything or he settles out of court days before the hearings begin (Florio also pointed out that the average civil suit takes 1-2 years to hit the courts, but he doesn't think that will be the case here.)

Back to the bad news, if Roethlisberger settles out of court, Commissioner Goodell, who is punishing NFL players for not using crest toothpaste these days, would almost have to suspend him for something. My guess is that an out of court settlement would lead to at least an eight game suspension for Big Ben.

For any Steelers fans with a gun in their mouth, you probably don't want to read what we write next, more bad news.

This is from today's AP story:

The woman's lawsuit says she didn't file a criminal complaint because she feared Harrah's would side with Roethlisberger and she would be fired.

Unless Andrea McNulty herself is feeding me information (which given the wackiness that has ensued in this case would not surprise me), the above email confirms McNulty's complaint as far as her getting fired and Harrah's covering it up (the email does not confirm any of the sexual allegations).

This thing is going to get worse before it gets better.

The only way Ben gets out of this clean is if he wins the court case. INSIC hates the Steelers more then life itself, but we did go to college with Roethlisberger, so if Ben is innocent, we wish him the best of luck.

**Update: INSIC has received a second email from our casino friend. Contents of email will be available later on.**

(Excerpt from second email, anything in red added by INSIC):

I have heard a few things about the situation. Guy Hyder [Harrah's head of security] seems like he may have down played the situation to John Koster [Regional President, Harrah's Northern Nevada] and then it rolled down hill from there.

Its Never Sunny In Pittsburgh: Roethlisberger Hit With $440,000 Sexual Assault Suit by Andrea McNulty (Pictured Way Below in Full Cowgirl Getup)

*If you're a facts kind of person (only about 3 percent of the media is these days), you can read below about the Roethlisberger incident, I've chosen not to make fun of it just yet, so I've written just a standard news story (yes, I am capable of that). Underneath the standard news story is the newest and craziest update from TMZ.com.

Oh and in case you just want the juicy stuff, in italics below is the details of what McNulty alleges happened.

Also, in case you're wondering what kind of girl Ben likes, in the inset are McNulty's myspace stats, she's 5'7", SINGLE!!! and a blonde, although, judging by the picture above, it doesn't look like Ben discriminates.

If bad news keeps following him around after Super Bowl victories, Ben Roethlisberger may not ever want to win another Lombardi Trophy.

Everyone remembers Roethlisberger's motorcycle accident in the offseason following Super Bowl XL. This offseason has brought a new surprise: a sexual assault lawsuit.

Pro Football Talk (an NBC affiliate) has confirmed that a casino employee in Nevada (pictured below) has levied five charges against Roethlisberger. The Steelers' QB was served with the suit this weekend while playing in a celebrity golf tournament in Nevada.

The two-time Super Bowl winner is being charged with one civil count of assault, one civil account of sexual assault and battery, one civil account of false imprisonment, one civil count of false pretenses, and one civil account of intentional infliction of emotional distress.

The complainant, Andrea McNulty, claims that in July 2008 she was called up to Roethlisberger's room to fix a television. While she was up there, McNulty claims Roethlisberger forced her to have sex with him.

Roethlisberger's lawyer David Cornwall vehemently denied the allegations in this statement that was released late Monday night:

"This weekend Andrea McNulty served Ben Roethlisberger with a civil complaint accusing him of sexually assaulting her in July 2008. Ben has never sexually assaulted anyone; especially Andrea McNulty. The timing of the lawsuit and the absence of a criminal complaint and a criminal investigation are the most compelling evidence of the absence of any criminal conduct.

"If an investigation is commenced, Ben will cooperate fully and Ben will be fully exonerated. Ben will not be baited into a public discussion about his personal life, but we will defend him vigorously. The limited value that Ms. McNulty derived from public disclosure of these viciously false allegations is the only value she will ever receive from Ben in this case."

Cornwall makes a solid case for the innocence of his client. The first and most obvious question is: If Roethlisberger is actually guilty, why didn't McNulty file criminal charges? Why go straight after his money?

Keep in mind, these are civil charges. This means that if Roethlisberger was found guilty, the court could only financially punish him, and there would be no jail time.

Details of the allegations became available Tuesday morning and they go as follows:

McNulty claims that Roethlisberger was walking a woman out of his room to an elevator. After the girl reached the elevator, Roethlisberger chatted it up with several Harrah's employee's, including McNulty.

Roethlisberger allegedly told McNulty that the sound sysytem on his TV wasn't working (I've tried that one before Ben, it doesn't work). McNulty told Ben that she would send someone to fix it, but he asked that she do it.

When McNulty couldn't find anyone to send to the room to repair the television, Harrah's staff allegedly told her to go so that Roethlisberger would have no complaints about his stay.

McNulty says that Roethlisberger was in a T-shirt and athletic shorts and that after she tested the TV and sound system, she found nothing to be wrong.

The suit then says that as McNulty tried to exit the room, Roethlisberger, "grabbed [her] and started to kiss her."

McNulty says that Roethlisberger fondled her, pushed her into the bed and then did the deed. She claims she "communicated her objection and lack of consent." She even says she told him, "you don't want to do this."

McNulty says she then told Roethlisberger she wasn't on any type birth control, but apparently Ben calmed any pregnancy fears by telling her, "I'll pull out."

When Roethlisberger asked if there were cameras in the room and McNulty answered, "Yes," Roethisberger allegedly became stern, telling her, "If anyone asks, you fixed my television. You fixed my television, now go."

The alleged incident is said to have taken place on Friday, July 11, 2008. McNulty is seeking $440,000 in the suit.

According to Washoe County's web site, the charges were filed Friday, July 17 at 3:55 p.m., the summons for Roethlisberger was issued three minutes later.

The eight other defendants in the case are: Debbie Neall, Mike Rosenow, Dave Monroe, Mark Masters, Guy Hyder (Harrah's Tahoe Chief of Security), John Koster (President of the Hotel), Stacy Dingman (former director of hotel operations at Harrah's), and Bryan Casuscelli (marketing staffer at Harrah's).

Koster, the president of the hotel, allegedly has such a man crush on Roethlisberger that his head of security, Hyder, says Koster would "suck [Ben's] dick if Roethlisberger would let him."

The big questions for Steelers fans is: If Ben is innocent, will the charges mess with his head as he trains for the upcoming season?

*TMZ.com is reporting some crazy stuff, but they always do and there never wrong, from TMZ:

Sources tell us Roethlisberger and McNulty had a sexual liaison at the time but Ben insists it was purely consensual. We're told the two knew each other because Ben had stayed at Harrah's in Lake Tahoe over the last several years for golf tournaments -- and she worked at the hotel.

Lets sum this one up: TMZ says they had sex.

TMZ continued: Sources connected with the case tell us a former co-worker of McNulty's at Harrah's came forward with this incredible story -- that around the time McNulty hooked up with Roethlisberger, she was allegedly involved with a married man.

The man's wife, we're told, created an email account, posing as a U.S. soldier in Iraq. The wife began corresponding with McNulty to gain information.

We're told the former co-worker has said McNulty fell in love with the fictitious soldier and began telling people she was engaged to him.

When the wife stopped the correspondence, McNulty then began telling people the soldier was killed in action.

We're told McNulty told at least one co-worker she began seeing a psychiatrist because of the phantom soldier.

Lets Sum this one Up: Holy Super Bowl Sunday, I don't know if summing this one up is even possible. McNulty told a co-worker she was having an affair. A soldier's wife started sending McNulty emails from a 'fake' soldier.

McNulty thought this soldier was real. McNulty tells friends that her and the fake soldier are engaged. 'Fake' soldier stops emailing her, McNulty tells friends he died in action.

McNulty seeks psychiatric help. WOW. You really can't make this stuff up, trust me, I've tried.

McNulty pic courtesy of tmz.com
Original story broken by profootballtalk.com
my research led me to washoe county web site

Bengals Mike Brown Makes More Money Than Steelers Counterpart Dan Rooney (please do not laugh)

So I read about this story last night on AOL Fanhouse and got kind of pissed, but it was late and I was tired, so I went to bed.

Then I wake up this morning and the guys at Who Dey Revolution write something about it. As I read their take, I get even more pissed. So, instead of drowning my cat, I decided to write something about it myself...

Now, if you somehow managed to miss the headline, let me fill you in on the nature of this blog entry. Mike Brown, the awesomely successful General Manager/Guy that won't hire any scouts/Owner of the Bengals makes more money than the Steelers incredibly woeful Dan Rooney.

Wait, I think I completely butchered that. Let's try this again. Since 1991, when Mike Brown took over the Bengals GM/Owner spot, the Bengals have been to exactly zero Super Bowls while making one trip to the playoffs.

The Steelers on the other hand, have made three trips to the Super Bowl (winning two) and so many trips to the playoffs that I stopped keeping track in 1998.

So the shocker here is this, over the past two seasons, Mike Brown has made an average of about $2 million in salary while Dan Rooney has pulled in, wait, wait for it.... about $1.5 million per year.

Are you serious Mike Brown.

Rooney's numbers became public last week when he had to reveal his income as a stipulation for accepting his new job as Ambassador to Ireland.

This is absolutely nuts.

Imagine if I was directing a movie starring Paris Hilton and Meryl Streep and I was like, 'Look Meryl, we all know you've been nominated for a record 12 academy awards, but I think we're going to pay Paris more money, she's been in a Hardee's commercial, plus she has a cooler last name.' I'm thinking Meryl walks right off the set, the only question is if she runs over Paris Hilton with her hybrid on the way out.

Brown's salary was revealed by the Cincinnati Enquirer back in April. Since 1991 Brown has made anywhere between $2-2.6 million per year ($700,000 salary and a GM bonus that has fluctuated between $1.2-1.9 million since 1991).

I'm a Bengals fan, so I won't bash Brown completely, but if we're all lucky, a few Steelers fans will after they read this.

Former Falcons Coach Dan Reeves Feels Sorry For Matthew Stafford, Why? Because Detroit Drafted Him

Who doesn't love getting 9 p.m. calls from their boss?

The crappy thing is, when this happens, you only have two options: ignore the call and deal with it the next day or answer the phone, pretend you're drunk and tell him you're having a threesome.

Either one of these works. However, since I wasn't drunk or having a threesome yesterday, I answered the fateful call.

My Boss: Breech, I have some good news and some bad news.

Me: Let me guess, I'm fired and we don't really have health insurance.

My Boss: Close. The bad news, you need to cover an event tomorrow at 7:30 a.m., the good news, you get a free breakfast.

Me talking to you, the reader: As everyone knows, the only way getting up before 9 a.m. is OK is if there's free food involved.

After 37 minutes of a back and forth conversation that went nowhere, I find out the assignment: I get to eat a free breakfast and then listen to a speech by former Falcons, Giants and Broncos coach, Dan Reeves.

For those of you who didn't read the last paragraph or if you're one of those people that regularly visits TMZ.com, you might not know who Dan Reeves is.

He's a former NFL head coach. He took the Broncos to three Super Bowls and the Falcons to one (I guess I should throw in that he went 0-4). He also coached the New York football Giants. And he won a Super Bowl as a Cowboy, so don't throw a pity party for the man because he lost four big ones.

Anyway, back to the breakfast. I'm the only media member in attendance, but I'm still required to sit at a table while the meal is being served. So I sit with a bunch of strangers, one guy who is apparently running for Governor of Georgia, and since I'm the worst non-sports reporter in the world, I can't tell you his name, but I think it's DuBose, can someone google that please.

Lets see, after pocketing my free $2 dollar bill (some company put two dollar bills on everyone's placemat, obviously thinking this was the most brilliant marketing ploy ever, my thoughts, 'thanks for the gallon of gas,') and then eating my sausage and eggs, I listened intently to Mr. Reeves.

Here are my favorite quotes from Mr. Reeves, who might be the nicest person in the world:

Reeves: I say this as affectionately as possible, but people don't want to live in Detroit.

That's right coach, jump on Detroit when they're down, I've already done it, just check out my piece on the unemployment rate in Michigan. When a 67-year-old man is making fun of your decrepit city, you're in trouble.

To be fair, Reeves made this statement when asked about Matt Stafford's chance at success, which are zero. Anyway, he said no player in their right mind wants to be in Detroit during the offseason, so it will be hard for Stafford to build a rapport with any of his players. (Stafford definitely should fire his agent, sure he got Matt $40 million guaranteed, but there's a big catch: Stafford has to live in Detroit year round... Our advice Matt, give the money back and move out of there as quickly as possible)

Reeves: Guys don't want to spend the offseason in Detroit. After they play their last game, they're ready to leave, their bags are already packed.

I went to Detroit in 2005, here is a brief synopsis of my stay: Drink beer so I don't remember visit to ugly city, make fun of Lions fans who were all wearing Bengals colors because it was 'fire Matt Millen' day, give beer to homeless person, (which is now my favorite go-to joke ever), watch Bengals destroy Lions in 'battle of who is the worse team ever,' which the Bengals settled emphatically by putting up 41 on the hapless Lions.

That's right Detriot, we ripped your soul out before General Motors, Chrysler and your philandering Mayor did.

Reeves: Detroit is going to be a difficult place for him to win.

The best thing about my whole morning is that Reeves doesn't sugar coat anything. He knows what I know about the Lions; Joe Montana in his prime couldn't turn the team around. They're like the Bengals, except worse. Jim Schwartz is going to go 1-15 and get a 3-year extension because that would be an improvement on last season.

Reeves: I just wish Matt had taken another year in college. One more year in school doesn't sound like a lot, but it is, especially for maturity at the quarterback position.

This is Reeves way of saying 'Matt, you would have been a success if you had played for any other team, but the Lions have less hope then a quadriplegic in a paddle boat heading towards a waterfall. Retire now.

Moral of the story kids: Stay in school or you'll end up homeless in Detroit.

Phoenix Suns Superstar Amare Stoudemire Gets Shot Down at Buckhead Hotel

A Special Report on Racism By John Breech

Note: John won a Pulitzer with his last special report: Why You Shouldn't Punch Your Girlfriend in Front of a Cop

Just when it looked like racism was over forever, two ugly stories rear their heads this week, one of them an Its Never Sunny in Cincinnati exclusive.

First up, the Cincinnati Enquirer reported yesterday that four black men are suing the Waffle House for discriminatory practices. Its alleged that the men went into the well-known waffle establishment around 2:30 a.m. in October and were basically refused service.

According to the men, they were told they would have to wait 30 to 40 minutes to have their order taken. While they were waiting the 30 to 40 minutes to have their order taken, several people who aren't black and who most would call white, walked into the restaurant and promptly placed an order.

The waitress, who probably didn't vote for Obama, kicked the four men out after one of them made a smart ass comment when she tried to take their order. The man said something to the effect of 'it hasn't quite been 40 minutes, we can keep waiting,' the waitress, for whatever reason was offended by this and tossed the men out of the restaurant.

Two white patrons at the restaurant were allegedly so offended by what happened that they went outside and apologized to the black men.

The kicker of the whole incident is that when police arrived, instead of aiding the men, one of them simply said, "Next time, go to IHOP."

First of all F*ck face, if I want waffles, I'm going to a waffle place not IHOP, second of all, there's only three IHOP's in all of the greater Cincinnati area.

Leave it to the West Chester Twp. police to make a lame-ass IHOP joke.

Anyway, here's my take: I've been into a Waffle House at 2:30 a.m. and let me say this, it is borderline impossible to get kicked out of there. Unless you're committing third degree murder or doing an eight ball of coke off of your girlfriends exposed breast, you're not going to be asked to leave.

Verdict: I hope they win $10 Bajillion dollars and free waffles for life.

INSIC EXCLUSIVE

Next up is the case of Amare Stoudemire, the nicest guy in the NBA. As everyone probably knows already, with the exception of JJ Redick and Adam Morrison, everyone in the NBA is either black or european.

This brings us to the black Mr. Stoudemire who was recently in Atlanta doing what rich 26-year-olds do: wasting as much money as possible and having fun.

On a certain Monday, Stoudemire and his entourage rolled into the posh W hotel in Buckhead. Stoudemire's crew, which was rolling about 20 people deep, was two things: hungry and mostly black.

After the powers that be at the W consulted, they decided that they didn't have enough staff on duty to take a party of 20. Stoudemire and company would probably have spent upwards of $3,000.

After Stoudemire was told that the restaurant was understaffed, he politely left without raising a ruckus.

My take on the situation: I worked in the restaurant industry for seven years, I don't care if the only two people on duty are a quadriplegic cook and a dead squirrel, no manager worth anything would turn down $3,000 worth of business.

Whoever was running the W that night absolutely crapped their pants when they saw 8 escalades and 19 black guys roll up. It's too bad Stoudemire didn't make a stink of this whole thing because if there is one place in Atlanta that thinks there sh!t doesn't stink, it's the W.

Oh and the kicker in the Stoudemire situation is that no one at the W knew it was millionaire basketball player Amare Stoudemire. You can bet that if they had known, they would have seated the man faster then you can say "emancipation proclamation."

Low Prices Lure John to Wal-Mart

By John Breech/Staff

Last Saturday, after a long day at work, Alpharetta resident John Breech decided to make a visit to the local Wal-Mart. "I only had $11 in my wallet and that's like $1000 at Wal-Mart," said Breech. The 27-year-old bought several necessities, including Captain Crunch, english muffins and frozen pizza. However, John was disgusted when he reached the check-out lane. "I have all of three items, so naturally I make my way to the 12 items or less check out lane," he said. "Then, who's in front me, Georgia's version of Octo-mom. She had at least five times more items then you're suppose to have in this lane." Breech fumed. "Honestly, if she didn't obviously have 17 kids, I would have kicked her in the vagina... can I say vagina in the paper? I can say something else if you want."

Breech guessed that the woman had around 17 kids because her grocery cart was filled with two things: hot dogs and spam (see accompanying picture). "I know the economy's down, but are you really suppose to be feeding your kids this stuff," wondered Breech, who has no kids that he's aware of. "And if that wasn't bad enough, she didn't even buy buns for the hot dogs, talk about the worst mom ever. My brother used to punch the dog when my mom didn't buy buns," Breech said.

According to Breech, getting the pictures of the spam and hot dog buffet was no easy task, "I pretended like I was texting a friend, but my phone was obviously pointed at the grotesque amount of food on the check out counter, but ironically, I think Octo-mom was distracted by an US Weekly article about the real Octo-Mom."

After he left, Breech vowed to never visit Wal-Mart again. "I was in line for three hours, I could have spent that time writing on Jeff Binkowski's facebook wall about how bad the Steeler's suck even though they've won two Super Bowls in the last four years."

Finally, Breech would like to point out that the amount of food on the check-out counter was only about one-fourth of what was in the cart.