Monday, June 3, 2013

Cris Collinsworth's son had a better high school graduation party than you

Cris Collinsworth is the new Jay Gatsby.
After a four month hiatus, INSIC is back to do what we do best: write about high school kids' graduation parties. In this case, the kid is Jac Collinsworth, the son of former Bengals wide receiver and current NBC Sunday Night Football announcer Cris Collinsworth.   

So what kind of graduation party did Jac Collinsworth get? 

Imagine House Party 4, an episode of 'My Super Sweet 16' and the Great Gatsby all rolled into one. Then combine that imaginary party with the plot of Can't Hardly Wait and you might have an idea of what the party Cris Collinsworth threw for his son on Saturday was like. 

First, it's probably worth mentioning there was live music there. Michael Ray -- a country music singer based in Nashville -- gave a concert. We have no idea who Michael Ray is, but he has over 15,000 'likes' on Facebook, so someone's heard of him. 

Second, it's definitely worth mentioning that there was an ice cream sandwich lady, who's sole purpose was to walk around and offer people ice cream sandwiches. Because of course there was. Seriously though, this is really taking party planning to a new level and someone should be commended for this brilliant idea. A lady handing out dippin' dots probably would have been better, but dippin' dots are hard to attain because the company filed for bankruptcy. What did you EXPECT Dippin' Dots management? You're the ice cream of the FUTURE and now is not the future, it's the present. Your dumb idea was doomed from the start.

Forget Dippin' Dots for a second though because there were glow sticks at the party. Lots of them.

Finally, we'll point out that the party was apparently in a giant tent. So basically, it was like combining a wedding, a circus and a belligerent camping trip. Here's a picture from inside the 'tent' during the Michael Ray concert. Cris Collinsworth should probably be in charge of planning all graduation parties for the rest of time.
The next time you're going to bash Cris Collinsworth because you don't like his announcing, keep in mind that he's the Jay Gatsby of our generation. By the way, the party was so amazing, the smart kids were already thinking about the next one.