Saturday, April 28, 2012

Bengals Undrafted Free Agent Signings

Hide yo children: Vontaze Burfict is headed for Cincinnati
If you were in Cartagena getting sloppy seconds from Secret Service agent hookers over the weekend, you may have missed the NFL draft. If you did miss the draft, you'll have to go to,, or one of the 1,000 other sites to find out who the Bengals drafted, because we're not going to tell you.

This post is for one thing and one thing only: to provide a list of undrafted free agents who have signed with the Bengals.

LB Vontaze Burfict, Arizona State
DE Julian Miller, West Virginia
WR Justin Hilton, Indiana State
S Tony Dye, UCLA
CB Derrius Brooks, Western Kentucky
WR Kashief Moore, Connecticut
RB Rodney Stewart, Colorado
DE Brandon Joiner, Arkansas State
WR Taveon Rogers, New Mexico State
QB Tyler Hansen, Colorado
OL Ben Bojicic, Bowling Green
S Emmanuel Lammur, Kansas State
OL Landon Walker, Clemson
Bubba Forrest, New Mexico
OL Trevor Robinson, Notre Dame
OL Mike Ryan, Connecticut

(H/T to Joe Reedy. H/T to Twitter)

***Update: the Bengals released the official list on May 2, you can find it here***

Friday, April 27, 2012

Prank Caller Convinces Rutgers WR Mohamed Sanu That Bengals Drafted Him in First Round **Update** Bengals Draft Sanu in Third Round

Mohamed Sanu's first football card most
likely won't be in a Bengals uniform. 
A few Bengals fans were shocked when the team took Wisconsin guard Kevin Zeitler with the 27th pick in the draft Thursday, but nobody was more shocked than Rutgers wide receiver Mohamed Sanu.

Why was Sanu shocked? Because he thought the Bengals were going to draft him. 

Only minutes before the Bengals announced their second first round pick Thursday, Sanu received a phone call from someone purporting to represent the team. The caller told Sanu the Bengals were going to draft him. 

Sanu was having a draft get together in South Brunswick, NJ and the get together turned into House Party 5 when everyone found out Sanu was going in the first round -- Sanu had been projected to go in the second or third round.

Long story short: when Roger Goodell hit the podium at Radio City Music Hall, he didn't have a notecard with Sanu's name on it, he had one with Kevin Zeitler's name.  

The prank caller was so believable that Sanu's agent tweeted out: Sanu to Bengals!!!

Anyway, you might be wondering, "why would a second or third round projection believe he was going in the first round."

Well, there's two reasons Sanu found the call believable:

1. He only worked out for three teams: the Bengals, Jets and Giants. 


2. Its the Bengals. One of the team's many needs is a No. 2 wide receiver. Sure, Sanu would have been a reach at 27, but the Bengals practically wrote the book on reaching, so the pick wouldn't have been that shocking. 

The lesson learned here is simple: don't answer your phone on draft night.

Second lesson learned: If someone calls from a New Jersey area code saying they're with the Bengals, they're probably not with the Bengals.

(H/T to

**Update** This story has a happy ending. The Bengals ended up drafting Sanu anyway in what we can only imagine was a really awkward phone call. 

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Bengals 2012 Regular Season Schedule Released

How many pick-6's will Carson Palmer throw against
the Bengals? Find out on Nov. 25. 
If you don't have Bengals season tickets, 2012 is probably the year to get them, unless you hate good quarterbacks of course, because there will be a lot of those coming to Paul Brown Stadium this season.

The good QBs coming to PBS: the Manning brothers will be in Cincinnati in consecutive weeks, so Archie will probably just rent a cottage. Tony Romo comes to town in December. Romo's career passer rating in December is zero. Ben Roethlisberger visits on a Sunday night. The Bengals should try and fill Paul Brown Stadium with college girls for that game, because as everyone knows, nothing good happens when Roethlisberger is around college girls at night.

The OK QBs coming to PBS: Joe Flacco.

The games you shouldn't attend because the opposing team's QB will be horrible: the Dolphins game. The Browns game.

The game you should attend if you hate Carson Palmer as much as we do: the Raiders game. The NFL schedule maker fell asleep at the wheel, Carson's return is not in prime time.

So when are these QBs coming to PBS? The dates are official now, the NFL released the Bengals 2012 schedule Tuesday.

Bengals 2012 Schedule

Mon. Sept. 10 (7 p.m. ET, ESPN) -- At Baltimore

Sept. 16 (1 p.m. ET, CBS) -- Cleveland

Sept. 23 (1 p.m. ET, CBS) -- At Washington

Sept. 30 (4:05 p.m. ET, CBS) -- At Jacksonville

Oct. 7 (1 p.m. ET, CBS) -- Miami

Oct. 14 (1 p.m. ET, CBS) -- At Cleveland 

Oct. 21 (8:20 p.m. ET, NBC) -- Pittsburgh

Oct. 28 (1 p.m. ET, CBS) -- BYE

Nov. 4 (1 p.m. ET, CBS) -- Denver

Nov. 11 (1 p.m. ET, Fox) -- N.Y. Giants

Nov. 18 (1 p.m. ET, CBS) -- At Kansas City

Nov. 25 (1 p.m. ET, CBS) -- Oakland

Dec. 2 (4:15 p.m. ET, CBS) -- At San Diego

Dec. 9 (1 p.m. ET, Fox) -- Dallas

Dec. 13 (8:20 p.m. ET, NFLN) -- At Philadelphia 

Dec. 23 (1 p.m. ET, Fox) -- At Pittsburgh

Dec. 30 (1 p.m. ET, CBS) -- Baltimore

Quick Notes: 

- From Weeks 2-6, the Bengals will play five teams who combined to go 24-56 in 2011.
- After the Week 2-6 stretch, the Bengals will get to spend 34 straight days in Cincinnati. The team has no road games from Oct. 15 thru Nov. 17.
- If Peyton Manning's neck doesn't fall off in the Broncos opener against the Steelers, then the Manning brothers will visit in consecutive weeks in November.
- The Bengals may not have a Merry Christmas: three of their five December games are on the road. The five teams combined to go 48-32 in 2011.
- The Bengals are one of only four teams that end the season with two straight divisional games.
- The Bengals open and close the season with Baltimore.

Our early prediction is that the Bengals go 16-0 and win the Super Bowl.

Bengals Reportedly Opening 2012 Season at Baltimore on Monday Night Football

The NFL schedule is set to be released at 7 p.m. today, but details are already starting to leak out like urine from an unpotty trained puppy.

One of the juiciest details actually involves the Bengals. According to WNST-TV in Baltimore, the Bengals will open the season against the Ravens on Monday Night Football.

If past seasons are any indication, the game will be the first of an MNF doubleheader and will kick off at 7 p.m.

Baltimore and Cincinnati also kicked off the 2007 season on Monday Night Football. The Bengals won that game at PBS 27-20.

To get you excited, we've included this video from a Bengals Monday Night game in 1986:


Monday, April 16, 2012

NFL Schedules 2012 NFL Schedule Release for Tuesday (April 17)

Unless the NFL twitter feed got hacked, it looks like the 2012 schedule will
be released on Tuesday, April 17. 

Just when it looked like Tuesday was going to be the worst day of the year -- that's when your taxes are due and no one likes doing taxes or paying them -- the NFL karate chopped the tax man by making a big announcement on Twitter Monday: the NFL schedule will be released April 17.

Rumors had been swirling for weeks that April 17 would be the day (we mentioned it back on April 4), but the NFL didn't make the announcement official until today.

A couple schedule tidbits:

The Bengals have opened on the road in six of the last eight seasons.

Each team is guaranteed at least one prime time game this season, so the Bengals will be on at night at least once. Coming off a playoff year, our guess is that they get three night games: one Pittsburgh, one Baltimore and Carson Palmer's return to Cincinnati.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Bengals Free Agent WR Jerome Simpson Sentenced for Pot Delivery Escapade made this photo. We really liked it, so we're using it. 

Stoners, here's a new math problem you might want to remember: eight and a half pounds of marijuana will get you 15 days in jail.

Bengals wide receiver Jerome Simpson, who's technically not a Bengals wide receiver right now because he's a free agent, was sentenced Thursday to 15 days in jail.

If you spent September 2011 without an internet connection or you were really high, you may not have known that Simpson was detained by police after having two and a half pounds of marijuana shipped to his house in Northern Kentucky. Police intercepted the shipment, then searched Simpson's home where they found six more pounds of green fun.

We're to lazy to rehash (pun intended) the entire story, so you can catch up on it here.

Simpson actually lucked out. The prosecution wanted him to serve 60 days in jail, but thanks to his sweet front flip scoring TD against Arizona last season, the judge knocked it down to 15 days (Note: Our belief is that if Simspson can front flip into the end zone like he did against Arizona, he should be able to have all the illegal drugs he wants to delivered to his home).

Anyway, besides the 15 days in the slammer, Simpson will also be on probation for 3-years, he'll have to complete 200 hours of community service and pay a $7,500 fine.

Simpson is expected to begin serving his jail sentence today (April 5), which means unless the Easter Bunny delivers to jail cells, Simpson is going Easter Basketless this year.

WCPO has a story with Simpson quotes he gave from the defense stand today. All we have is this awesome YouTube video of Simpson's flip.

Reds Opening Day 2012: A Photographic Essay without the Essay

The front page of the Cincinnati Enquirer
is exactly what you'd expect it to be on
Opening Day: a kid talking to a statue.

No one from INSIC is at Great American Ballpark for Opening Day today, but it seems like  everyone on Twitter is. What does that mean? It means we're going to steal the best pictures from Twitter and post them here.

If you thought you were up early drinking this morning, you have nothing on
the Reds mascots who have been at the bar since 6 a.m. (via @Reds)

If you're ever in Des Moines, Iowa on Opening Day,
remember to score your free coney (via @poynorch)

Lance McAlister's son is posing with a drunk, possibly drug-laced, Reds
version of Zorro (via@LanceMcAlister)
This is either the most dedicated Reds fan ever or
the scariest... or both. (via @justinhiteart)

This is INSIC's company car (via some girl on Facebook who doesn't want credit)

For some reason, Aaron Boone is still popular in Cincinnati
(photo via Aaron Boone's stalker)

If your day didn't start with Reds branded Belgian waffles,
then you're not doing Opening Day right. 

This is the only way to travel on Opening Day (via @JimDayTV)

Opening Day can start, one of the Lachey's is at GABP
(via @VanessaLachey)

A view from the cheap seats, although at Opening Day none
of the seats are exactly cheap (via @ChipMahaney)

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Bengals Release 2012 Preseason Schedule

These are the only three fans in Cincinnati that are excited for preseason football.

Nobody cares about preseason football, but we still felt obligated to post this, mainly because its NFL news in April and everyone loves NFL news in April.

Bengals 2012 Preseason Schedule

Week 1 (Aug. 9-13) -- New York Jets. Call the Pope, call your priest, if you have a kid with a terminal illness, get him to Paul Brown Stadium, Tim Tebow is coming to Cincinnati. 

August 16 (8 p.m. ET, Fox) -- At Atlanta. The Carrot Top Cannon vs. Matty Ice on national television. Get your carrots and beer bongs ready. Also, don't be shocked if the Georgia Dome is 86 percent full with people wearing A.J. Green jerseys. Green was a legend at UGA which is only about an hour from Atlanta.

Week 3 (Aug. 23-27) -- Green Bay Packers. Starters usually see some serious playing time during week three of the preseason, so this game may not actually be a waste of money. Expect 2011 NFL MVP Aaron Rodgers to play at least a quarter. Also, bring cheese, Packers fans will do anything for cheese.

Week 4 (Aug 30-31) -- At Indianapolis. The Bengals and Indy are basically friends with benefits. They get drunk all night, swear they won't hookup, but then leave the bar together every time to have sex. Or in football terms, the two teams always end the preseason together. Starters don't usually play in the final preseason game, but if presumptive No. 1 draft pick Andrew Luck struggles at all during training camp, the Colts brass may decide to play him in a series or two against the Bengals.

Preseason note: In case you're wondering how worthless the preseason is, consider this: the Bengals have made the playoffs three times under Marvin Lewis. In those three seasons, they went 2-2 (2005), 2-2 (2009) and 1-3 (2011) in the preseason.

The Bengals went 4-0 in the 2006 postseason, but missed the playoffs. By three feet. How do you miss the playoffs by three feet? Your kicker (cough, Shayne Graham, cough) misses a 39-yard field goal in the season finale that would have clinched a playoff spot.

If the NFL sticks to its usual calendar, the regular season schedule should be released some time in the next two weeks, we're guessing April 17.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Reds Give All of Their Money to Joey Votto: INSIC Obtains Exclusive Contract Details

Joey Votto is now the richest person in Cincinnati. 
USA Today reported Monday that the Reds and Joey Votto have come to terms on a 10-year contract extension worth $225 million.

Its the fourth biggest contract in MLB history and will make the Votto the richest man in Cincinnati not named Carl Linder. And since Carl Linder isn't actually alive, Votto is in fact, the richest man in Cincinnati and probably all of Ohio.

To put Votto's $225 million contract in perspective, consider this: the entire Cincinnati Reds franchise is only worth $424 million, according to Forbes.

INSIC exclusively obtained a copy of Votto's contract and here's what the slugger will also receive, besides the $225 million:
Votto will have final say
on all Cincinnati Bengal
challenge calls. 

- Free Skyline chili for life. According to our insider, Gold Star balked at the free chili clause and was only willing to offer 50 percent off.

- The contract also clearly states that Votto now owns Over the Rhine. OTR was recently valued at $112, which means Votto's contract is actually worth $225,000,112, contrary to media reports which said $225,000,000.

-  Votto will receive free 98 Degrees CDs, courtesy of Nick Lachey. Lachey will also sing "Happy Birthday" to Votto on all even birthdays for the rest of Votto's life.

- Oktoberfest will be renamed Vottoberfest.

- Votto will have final say on all Marvin Lewis challenge calls during regular season Bengals games. Early projections suggest that with Votto's help, Marvin Lewis' challenge success rate should increase from zero percent last season to 99.8 percent this season.

- Kroger will pay Votto $5 for every box of Vott 'O's cereal sold. Since the box of cereal only costs $3.99, Kroger will be losing $1.01 for every box they sell. Also, Kroger is giving Votto a Kroger plus card, which could save Votto anywhere from $500 to $1000 per year depending on his grocery shopping habits.

Thanks to Kroger, 120 percent of all Vott'O's
Cereal sales will go to Joey Votto.