It's Never Sunny in Cincinnati was shocked to learn today that young attractive white females in the Colorado hotel industry will not have to show up for work this weekend per a gubernatorial order.
Although details are still murky, it appears that governor Bill Ritter Jr. sent a memo out to every Marriott, Hilton, and Motel 6 in the state asking managers not to schedule any employees that have "huge breasts and/or a round ass."
"We're not sure exactly what's going on," said a Marriot concierge who asked not to be indentified because of the sensitive nature of the situation. "However, the rumor is that Ritter is worried because this is the first time Kobe will spend more than 24 hours in Colorado since.... uh.... well, you know..."
When reached for comment, the governor refused to admit such a memo existed, although he did state that his incredibly hot 22-year-old daughter Heather, who works at a Denver area Doubletree Hotel, would be spending the weekend "somewhere really far away, probably Canada."
A spokesperson for the governor did offer this statement, "It is very common in the state of Colorado for one gender or age group or race to be given time off once in awhile. During black history month, we let black people come to work five minutes late on a day of their choosing. On Cinco De Mayo, the state wide Mexican population was given a coupon for a free Taco Bell nachos supreme. This weekend, we just happen to be requesting that incredibly attractive young females don't work their hotel jobs."
This may all relate to the Kobe Bryant rape incident (charges were dropped) that took place in Cordillera, Co. in 2003, but without more information, it's hard to say. INSIC will offer further details on the matter as they become available.
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