Monday, April 18, 2011

Out at Second! Mike Leake Caught Stealing (From Downtown Cincinnati Macy's)

"Who's going to be at the ballpark tonight?" Probably not Mike Leake because he's in jail. 
We understand that you might not believe the next sentence you read, but we're going to write it anyway.

Did Pac Man Jones frame Mike Leake?
INSIC asks the tough questions. 
A Cincinnati pro sports player was arrested today for doing something criminal and it WASN'T a Bengal. Seriously, it wasn't a Bengal. It was Reds pitcher Mike Leake (and no it wasn't Pac-Man Jones trying to frame Leake by wearing a Mike Leake jersey. Jesus, that wouldn't even work, they're not even the same color.)

Anyway, here's the arrest report.  

Apparently Leake decided to pull a Winona Ryder when he tried to walk out of Macy's with some clothing that he didn't exactly pay for.  The second year pitcher grabbed six American Rag t-shirts off the rack (street value: $59.88), tore off the security tags and then proceeded to walk out of the store. In most states, including Ohio, this is known as stealing.

Since stealing is illegal, police were forced to arrest Leake. At 2:32 p.m. today, the pitcher was booked into the Hamilton County Justice Center. At 3:20 p.m., he was already tweeting about the incident, he wants to know who will be at the ballpark tonight. Lets all agree that there's a 95 percent chance Leake won't be.

Mike Leake's mugshot.
Somewhere, Peter Warrick is smiling (if Peter Warrick references aren't your thing, lets just say he used to play for the Bengals and he too once stole from Macy's).

Also, Macy's hasn't announced it, but if the wheels are turning in the PR Department, the store will be handing out $59.88 gift cards to the first 1,000 fans at tonights game.

Oh and in case you're wondering, Leake's salary this year is $425,000. Meaning he could have bought the six shirts, then bought six prostitutes to put the shirts on, then bought each prostitute their own 8-ball of coke and then still had money left for the penicillin he'd have to buy to cure the STD's the hookers give him.


  1. This is typical racist nonsense. I white guy gets caught stealing and you post a photo of Pac-Man.

  2. Asking who will be at the ballpark isn't exactly "tweeting about the incident."

  3. You cannot blame Michael. As a professional psychiatrist for 40 years, I can assure you that when Michael steals he is either dead or sleep walking. He was probably having wet dreams as well.