Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Mick Cronin's Worst Nightmare: All Cincinnati Basketball Fans Are Happy Except for Fans of Cincinnati Basketball
For the last six hours, we here at INSIC have been debating who's having a worse month: Sandra Bullock's husband Jesse James or Cincinnati Bearcat head coach Mick Cronin.
James cheated on Bullock with a nazi white supremacist who also happens to be a stripper (pictured below). And no, that is not the plot of a weird porno that we watched last night, it is the actual plot of Sandra Bullock's life.
Think about this for a second, Bullock won an Oscar two weeks ago and now her husband is sleeping with women who have swastika tattoos and are loyal to the third reich, you really can't make that stuff up.
Anyway, that being said, Mick Cronin's life sucks more. To prove it, here is a letter that we obtained this morning. It's a letter from Mick to God that's dated March 1.
Please do not let the following five things happen this month:
1. Don't let my team miss the NCAA tournament.
2. OK, I know we're horrible, and number one is a lot to ask, but if we do miss the tournament, don't let it be because Bob Huggins and his Mountaineers beat us on a bank shot at the buzzer in the Big East tournament.
3. Jesus, if you're sick enough to let number two happen, please do not let Huggins advance to the Sweet 16, you know he used to have my job and everyone in Cincinnati secretly wants him back.
4. Also, please don't let Xavier in the Sweet 16. How am I suppose to get any support at UC if the stupid catholic school across town keeps advancing in the NCAA Tournament.
5. Finally, I know you work miracles, but I've given up on my first request. Instead, when you put us in the NIT, will you not put us anywhere near Dayton, nothing would be more embarrassing than losing to Dayton while watching Xavier and Huggins advance in the NCAA Tournament.
Now this brings us to our weekly winner's and loser's list that isn't actually weekly:
Losers: Mick Cronin
Winners: Everyone that is not Mick Cronin (Except for Jesse James).
Big Winners: Cincinnati Basketball fans that aren't fans of Cincinnati basketball (Lets all cheer for Hugs and X to advance to meet in the National Championship) Another big winner, anyone who personally knows 'Denise' from the Taco Bell commercials.