Tuesday, March 30, 2010

After Xavier Loss To Stanford, Cincinnati Now Leads Country in Soul Crushing Sports Losses

If you're a Xavier student and you're reading this blog entry right now, good for you, you didn't drown yourself to death in a puddle of tears, whiskey and Milwaukee's Best last night.

Usually when your women's basketball team loses a game, no one notices, mainly because no one watches women's college basketball (no, we're not sexist, we're going by the ratings).

Unfortunately for Xavier though, 81 percent of all sports fans in the country saw some sort of highlight of last night's game. Why? Because not only was the Women's Elite Eight game against Stanford on ESPN (not ESPN 2 or ESPNU or ESPN Classic or ESPN360 or any other ESPN entity, but THE ESPN), it was also the lead highlight on Sportscenter.

Or if your Xavier's Dee Dee Jernigans, it was the lead lowlight. Jernigan's pulled a Chris Webber, only calling it a Chris Webber is an insult to Chris Webber (If you don't have time to brush up on college basketball history, Webber called a timeout in the 1993 National Championship game. The only problem, Michigan was out of timeouts. This is an automatic technical in college hoops).

Back to the Xavier game. With 17 seconds left and the game tied at 53, Jernigans missed not one but two lay ups that would have given Xavier the lead. And when we say layups, we're talking about shots that the Dog from Air Bud would have made with his eyes closed. Shots that a zookeeper could train a walrus to make and walruses don't even play basketball. Shots that an unborn baby could make from the womb of its expecting mother.

Are we piling on Jernigan's? Probably. To add insult to injury, Stanford's Jeanette Pohlen went the length of the court int he game's final four seconds and laid in the game winner at the buzzer.

If you're not a fan of reading (and who is these days) here are the highlights from the game. If you're the kind of sicko that enjoys train wrecks and male on male rape (a very under reported crime by the way) then you'll want to fast forward to the 1:07 mark of the video.

Lets see, so in the past year we had the Xavier women, the Xavier Men and last April we had this: Miami of Ohio leading in the NCAA Hockey championship game 3-1 with 1:00 left. A lock in hockey, unless of course, over 50 percent of your fan base is from Cincinnati, then you're just screwed:

Oh and don't forget about this Brandon Stokley touchdown:

Don't think we forgot about you Bearcats fans:


And in case there is any city out there that thinks they have it worse than Cincinnati, we've thrown in these last two for good measure:

Are you crying yet?

Ladies and Gentleman, this is why Its Never Sunny in Cincinnati.

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