Friday, May 21, 2010

Reds-Braves Day Long Diary: Walk-off Grand Slam Edition

There weren't enough cyanide pills in the entire city of Atlanta to meet the demand of Reds fans following Thursday's 10-9, walk-off grand slam loss. How sad was everyone in Red? These were the two happiest Cincinnati fans we could find.

We just had an awesome idea here at INSIC. Instead of writing a 5,000 word day-long diary like we do for Bengals games, we're just going to show you pictures and put captions beneath them. People love pictures, especially drunk people and people that can't read. So we're pandering to our alcoholic and illiterate readers today.

Are we lazy for not writing a diary? Kind of.

Well you enjoy pictures more? Maybe.

Was the nacho cheese at Turner Field the same color as animal urine? Mostly yes.

11:44 a.m.: Yes, Atlanta is in the south. No, the cops don't racially profile people here, but they do team profile. As the only Reds fans on the bus to the game, we were forced to sit in the back. Now I know what Rosa Parks felt like.

1:34 p.m.: When I walked into Turner Field, the first thing I saw was Reds journeyman catcher Ramon Hernandez batting. Hernandez has been playing professional baseball for 11 years, he was good for two of those. If there are two things I've learned in my 28 years as a Reds fan, its this: if there was a Hall of Fame of awesomeness, Chris Sabo would be in it and if Ramon Hernandez leads an inning off with a single, only good things can happen (This only happens maybe twice a year). Hernandez hit a single. Six batters later, Joey Votto (pictured below) comes to the plate with the bases loaded. He hits a grand slam. To me, grand slams are like unicorns, until I personally see one, I refused to believe they exist. Grand slams now exist. The jury is still out on unicorns.

2:06 p.m.: Before today, the only thing I ever bought from big black guys was illegal drugs. Now I can add cotton candy to that list.

2:41 p.m.: Here's the short list of people who kick dirt while they're on base: Eight-year-olds, T-ball players, Reds pitcher Mike Leake. If I didn't know any better, I would say Leake just got grounded by his parents, which is possible because I think he's only 15.

3:01 p.m.: Here is the winner of INSIC's first ever "I am sitting in a section where tickets cost $50 a pop, yet I have no consideration for others, therefore I'm an Ass" award. Yep, you win the award Mr. I brought an umbrella to the game and am now impeding the view of everyone behind me. At least six people wanted to punch this guy. Can't confirm that he ever got punched though.

4:01 p.m.: Hi, we're the Reds bullpen, we blew a 6-run lead in the 9th inning. Calling us worthless would probably be an understatement. We're horrible at everything, except for negotiation, which we're actually pretty awesome at. Think about it, we all know that Francisco Cordero is only worth about $1.2 million a year, yet he somehow managed to score a $12.5 million a year contract. We're trying to get A-Rod numbers for Nick Masset.

Of course this wouldn't be complete without footage of the grand slam, so either scroll down to the next post or if you don't know what the word 'scroll' means, then just click here.

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