Wednesday, June 10, 2009

John Breech and Falcons Quarterback Matt Ryan Arm Wrestle to Death

John Breech: Hey Ryan, you throw like a Girl.

Matt Ryan: At least I've seen one naked.

John Breech: So have I if your mom counts.

Matt Ryan: You keep my mom out this and I'll keep this (motioning to his midsection) out of your mom.

That's how I imagined this past weekend's arm wrestling match started. But unfortunately, if I told you that, it would be a lie.

Saturday's 'Over the Top' match with Falcons quarterback Matt Ryan went more like this:

John Breech: Dude, have you ever lifted a weight in your life? [see accompanying picture for lanky arms]

Matt Ryan: I'm a quarterback not a bodybuilder.

John Breech (thinking to himself): I bet I could take this wimp in arm wrestling.

Lesson of the Day: If you're 5'6" and 155 pounds, the chances are pretty great that you can't beat an NFL player at anything, let alone arm wrestling.

Although we'll never know if Matt would have won because the match was stopped before it could take place.

Apparently if you sign a $72 million contract with a professional sports team, they expect you not to put their investment in danger. In this case, Matt's right arm (his arm wrestling and throwing arm) would have been put in grave danger because I'm what people in the arm wrestling world call an 'unstoppable force.'

So instead of arm wrestling, we ate tacos provided by a local Atlanta taco chain (Twisted Taco) that supports the Steelers. And yes, I did puke it all up afterward, because if there is anything I hate more then the Steelers, it's taco chains that support the Steelers.

Also, I took Matt's empty powerade bottle and I will be selling it on Ebay, he has demanded a 10 percent cut, but I'm OK with that.

Finally, notice that he is standing up. What a cheat, everyone knows arm wrestling rule number one: no standing up. This tactic gave him an obvious leverage advantage, just for that, I'm not going to any Falcons games this year. I can't possibly support someone who cheats at arm wrestling and more importantly, I can't possibly support a team that's quarterbacked by a cheater.

Next Week: John plays chess with Carson Palmer.

No comments:

Post a Comment