Thursday, December 31, 2009

Bengals-Jets: Series History Says Jets Better Serve Alcohol Sunday

In case you haven't heard, the Jets are giving their fans a big fat middle finger on Sunday. No alcohol is being served. This would be like your fiance telling you two days before the wedding that instead of the free open bar and Jack Daniels keg you had planned, your serving nothing but cheap tonic water and apple juice.

Now the Jets have plenty of good reasons to not serve: it's a night game, it's the final game at the Meadowlands and drunk or not drunk, Jets fans are stupid. But seriously, the team has a playoff berth on the line, someone needs to at least give out free shots when the Jets score.

Alright, enough talk about alcohol, lets get to the top 3 games in series history.

Fact to impress drunk people: During the 1980's, the Bengals only lost one non-Super Bowl playoff game. Who was it too? You guessed it, the Jets. In the 1982 NFL Tournament (it wasn't technically the playoffs, thanks to the '82 strike, the NFL tweaked the playoffs so that 16 of the leagues 28 teams qualified for the 'tournament'), the Jets pummeled the Bengals 44-17 in the first round.

All-Time Series: Jets lead 13-7, Jets lead 1-0 in the postseason

Lets get to the countdown:

3. October 12, 2008, at New York

So you're probably thinking right now, "how can any game from 2008 be on a top 3 list for anything (except for maybe the top 3 reasons I wanted to castrate myself in 2008)?" Excellent question. By this point in the season, Ryan Fitzpatrick was the Bengals quarterback and even though it was only week 6, all of Cincinnati had given up on the team. However, this game is here for one reason: the Bengals injured Brett Favre. Everyone hates Favre and everyone loves when he fails. In this game, Favre was on the ground more than a drunk David Hasselhoff. Favre would later admit that this Bengals game started his eventual downfall in 2008. Sure the Bengals went 4-11-1 and fielded one of the worst offensive teams in franchise history, but they did set the stage for Favre's late season meltdown in 2008.

Result: Jets 26, Bengals 14

2. September 9, 1990, Cincinnati

In the Bengals season opener of 1990, the home team found themselves trailing 20-10 in the fourth quarter. During the lost decade of the 1990's, a 10-point deficit might as well have been 100. However, the nucleus from the Super Bowl XXIII team was still playing which wasn't good news for Jets fans. Boomer Esiason threw a fourth quarter touchdown pass to James Brooks, David 'the Rock before the Rock was the Rock' Fulcher recorded a safety and Jim Breech kicked two field goals (44, 37) (yes this all happened in the fourth quarter) as the Bengals mounted a furious rally for the win. The 1990 team would be the last Bengals playoff team until 2005.
Result: Bengals 25, Jets 20

3. December 21, 1986, Cincinnati

Dear LaMarr Woodley, please read this game summary before you open up your big stupid Steelers player mouth. In case you didn't hear (or you're to lazy to click on the link), Woodley thinks the Patriots and Bengals are going to give up this weekend, so the Steelers don't make the playoffs. The Steelers lost to the Chiefs, Browns and Raiders, no one is afraid of them, they are horrible this season.

Now that being said, lets set the stage for this 1986 game, which is eerily similar to Sunday night's game. It's the final week of the '86 season. Win or lose, the Jets, at 10-5, are in the playoffs. However, the Bengals, at 9-5, needed some help. Who do they need it from? Wait for it... The STEELERS. A Bengal playoff berth is simple, Cincinnati beats the Jets, Pittsburgh beats Kansas City and the Bengals are in.

Can you guess what happened? The Bengals play the role of the LAPD and beat the Jets down like Rodney King. The Blonde Bomber, Boomer Esiason, throws for 425 yards and five touchdowns. Now all the Bengals need is a Steelers win. Pittsburgh was down 24-6 at halftime.

It's called karma Steelers fans and I hope it anally assaults you and leaves you with four incurable diseases after Sunday.

Result: Bengals 52, Jets 21
Result: Chiefs 24, Steelers 19

INSIC Prediction for Sunday: The Bengals could play their fifth string starters and be coached by a fourth grade choir instructor and not get blown out. The Jets offense is terrible and our defense will come to play. There is no way this game will be a blowout. Jets 24-20 over the J.T. O'Sullivan's. However, if Carson plays the whole game, we change our prediction to 24-17 Bengals.

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