Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Reds Sweep Up Atlanta Over Labor Day Weekend

John helps Turner Field security sweep up the park after the Reds take 3 of 3 from the Braves.

The Reds have caused me more stomach pain this season than a glass of unfiltered Mexican tap water. I gave up on them sometime around mid-July.

Once August rolls around, there's really only two reasons to go to a game: to see if Michah Owings will die and to cross your fingers and hope that there is a "Bark in the Park" promotion going on so that you can feed the dogs chocolate and give them fake names.

After attending exactly ZERO Reds games all season, I finally hit up my first one on Sunday. It was me, four friends, my broom, my brother, my sister-in-law, someone who followed us from a Taco Bell parking lot and two strangers we picked up in a seedy part of the city. The perfect combination of people if you ask me.

While everyone got drunk on $8.00 beers, I refrained, instead I ate dippin' dots. The Reds are an astonishing 11-0 when I eat 'The Ice Cream of the Future.' And thanks to Michah Owings left temple, they're now 12-0.

For anyone that missed SportsCenter Sunday night. The Reds and Braves were tied 2-2 in the top of the 11th. It was bases loaded for Cincinnati and everyone's favorite pitcher who also pinch hits, Michah Owings, was batting.

Twelve seconds later, Braves pitcher Kenshin Kawakami drilled Owings in the head. Kawakami drilled him so hard that 40 percent of the people in the stadium thought Owings was dead. Miraculously, Owings didn't die. What occurred turned out to be the sweetest game-winning RBI ever.

Because the bases were loaded, Owings getting hit by the pitch scored a run for the Reds. Me and my new dog friend (Pete Rose Jr, pictured below) were the only ones that brought a broom to the stadium. So we were pretty excited. (Pete Rose Jr's broom was around his neck, mine was not.)

By the way, the dog's name was not Pete Rose Jr., that's just what I called him.

I think his real name was spot, so we can probably all agree that Pete Rose Jr. is a way better name.

Now that the Reds season is unofficially over, it's time to buy a dog, name him Ickey Woods Jr and get ready for the Bengals.

Oh, and here's why I don't make friends with anyone in Atlanta. In the 11th inning, some guy below us had eight undranken beers. Seriously dude, those things are $8.00 a piece, I could have bought a new Wii game with the amount of money you spent on beer.

(By the way, I know undranken is not a word, that is why I have highlighted it, please no emails unless you work for Merriam-Webster and you're writing to tell me undranken and Breechesque will be included in this year's edition of the dictionary.)

Douchebag with his 8 beers pictured below. In his defense the one he is holding is half empty, so he actually is only wasting 7 and a half beers.

And in case you're wondering, yes, Turner Field does stop selling beer in the seventh. How does this guy still have 8 beers in the 11th, only God and Pete Coors know.

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