Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Happy 28th Birthday to INSIC Founder John Breech

In his family, John is known as the selfish bastard that had to be born 11 days before Super Bowl XVI. You're probably wondering, 'How can a newborn baby be labeled a selfish bastard?'

Here's the story:

John's dad is Bengals all-time leading scorer Jim Breech (pictured with John). Mrs. Breech had to miss the Super Bowl because John didn't leave the vaginal canal in time, as far as selfish babies go, it doesn't get much worse than that.

On the other hand, Jim Breech had to miss John's birth because then Bengals Coach Forest Gregg said that Super Bowls are more important than babies. Which to an extent is true, actually, it's not true. What Gregg should have said is, 'Super Bowl WINS are more important than babies.' We think Child Services could get behind that statement.

Oh and now that we've had time to think about it, John actually did his mom a favor. Super Bowl XVI was held in Detroit. The city is the murder capital of the country, it smells like a diaper and at the time it led the world in baby kidnappings. Plus, the average temperature during Super Bowl week was three degrees, breast milk freezes in that kind of weather, baby John would have starved to death. If baby John had starved, this site wouldn't exist.

And yes, It's Never Sunny in Detroit will be up and running next week. Actually, that's a complete lie.

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