Thursday, April 22, 2010

2010 NFL Draft: INSIC Tells you Who the Bengals are going to Pick by Telling you who They're not Going to Pick

Finally, its here, the INSIC Mock Draft that's not actually a Mock Draft because we're only going to tell you who the Bengals are going to pick.

Forget Mel Kiper, Mike Mayock, Don Banks or Todd 'really gay' McShay, if you want to know who the Bengals are going to draft tonight, grab a glass of vodka-laced pineapple juice and read on.

Most experts like to point at a teams 'needs' when they're trying to figure out who a certain team is going to draft. We like to point at naked pictures of women, however, that has nothing to do with the draft.

OK, back to the team needs thing, we think team needs are stupid. In today's NFL, needs mean nothing, they're more useless than Corey Dillon's designated driver.

Think about it, if CJ Spiller dropped to 21, the Bengals would HAVE to think about taking him even though they have absolutely no need for him.

With that in mind, we're going to do the opposite of what most normal draftniks do, we're going to tell you who the Bengals aren't going to draft in the first round.

  1. They're not going to draft a Quarterback
  2. They're not going to draft a linebacker
  3. They're not going to draft a Running back
  4. They're not going to draft a kicker or a punter or a long snapper
  5. They're not going to trade for Ben Roethlisberger

OK, now that we've made that clear, lets talk about who they're going to draft.

The way we see it, the Bengals list goes something like this (This list is similar to many Bengals lists you've probably seen):WR Dez Bryant, S Earl Thomas, TE Jermaine Greshman, S Taylor Mays, C Maurkice Pouncey and G-OT Mike Iupati.

Bryant is the best talent in the above group and the good news? With all the questions swirling about his character, he might actually fall to 21. Luckily for Bengals fans, Mike Brown has no concerns about character. He would have drafted Jeffrey Dahmer if Dahmer had a 42-inch vertical and ran a 4.4 40.

However, Earl Thomas would be an equally intriguing pick. With a safety position that's aging like Joan Rivers, the Bengals have to think about beefing that spot up. However, Thomas may not be available when the Bengals pick at 21.

Rick Gosselin of the Dallas Morning News (if you've never heard of him, just follow Peter King on twitter, King has a man crush on him) presents the most interesting scenario in his mock draft. Gosselin has Bryant, Thomas and Gresham all available at 21. What the hell will the Bengals do if that happens?

The answer: no one knows and here's why: Mike Brown. Brown loves to meddle in the Bengals affairs and this has to scare you, the Bengals fan. Mike Brown, the man who wanted to put Jason Shirley at tight end, has a say in who the Bengals will pick tonight.

With all this in mind, we think the Bengals 2010 first round pick will be....


Remember, we don't think Mays is at the top of the Bengals draft board, we just think he'll be the highest guy left when pick 21 comes around. Plus USC picks have worked out well for the Bengals, so why not add one more.

Now here's our reasoning: At least three teams need WR's (Dolphins, Seahawks, Broncos), so Bryant is most likely gone. IF BRYANT MAKES IT TO 21, we say the Bengals take him. We don't think he'll make it.

Why not Gresham?

The Bengals haven't drafted a tight end in the first round since 1977 when we think they drafted Mike Cobb on accident (They had three first round picks that year, Cobb was taken with the third of those picks, he lasted one season with the team, so Mike Brown probably still feels burnt by this). Brown hates spending high picks on positions he isn't keen on (again, let us repeat: he tried to turn Jason Shirley into a tight end). We think Brown will veto a Gresham pick.

Earl Thomas is the only other person the Bengals would take over Mays, but we don't think he'll be available either.

So Mays it is.

Our last draft prediction: Tim Tebow goes in the first round.

We swear to God Tebow will go in the first round (That's right Tebow, we swore to your God about you, what are you going to do about it).

By the way, that picture of David Klingler at the top of the page is there to remind all Bengals fans that no matter what happens tonight, it could always be worse.

1 comment:

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