Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Wall Street Journal Claims Cincinnati Reds are Third Most Hated Team in Major League Baseball

Less than two months into its existence, the Wall Street Journal's new Sports Section is already treating its readers to potential pulitzer prize winning material.

Take for instance this piece today, where the WSJ and the Nielsen Company make the claim that two of the three most hated teams in Major League Baseball reside in the state of Ohio. And yes, you read that right.

Keep in mind, the Nielsen Co. is the same company that makes up television ratings to make bad shows seem good. That is the only way to explain why 'The Hills' stayed on the air for so long.

Anyway, back to the article and why everyone hates Ohio's baseball teams.

Even though there are 94 years of research that support the fact that everyone in the country either hates the Yankees, the Red Sox or both, the Nielsen Company claims otherwise. They say that all that research is wrong and that everyone actually in fact hates the Indians (No. 1 most hated team) and the Reds (No. 3 most hated team).

At first glance, this article looks to be about as believable as the 1991 rumor that Zack Morris died in a motorcycle accident. By the way, we can all probably agree that the best three rumors ever are: Zack Morris dying, Ultimate Warrior dying and that the Olsen twins watch old episodes of Full House every night with Uncle Joey and do coke lines every time Michelle says "You got it, dude."

Anyway, after seeing the formula that the Nielsen Company used to comprise the list, it all started making sense to us. The "most hated" list is based on some weird algorithm that has to do with how many negative searches a team gets on Google.

For instance, if a Yankee fan searches, "I love A-Rod and want to have three of his babies," that is a positive search and would make the Yankees a likable team. However, the Yankees are the fifth most hated team, so it looks like their their Google searches were something a little more negative, like: "I got syphilis from a Yankees player last night, is it curable?"

So how could the Reds have so many negative google searches?

If you're like us, after every Reds loss, you google search something to the effect of, "When will Dusty Baker die?" "Why does Brandon Phillips suck this year, is he shooting up meth before every game?"

It's safe to say that the two searches above would register as negative searches for the Reds. Now if every Reds fan is typing that kind of crap into google, it makes the Reds look like a hated team.

As for the Indians, we're going to have to email the Nielsen research department and make sure searches like, "I hate Indians," and "Did all Indians die in 19th century?" didn't register in negative terms for Cleveland.

Finally, if you see a Yankees, Red Sox or Steelers fan today, remember to punch them in the face.


  1. Must you really find a way to put down the Steelers in every blog? I thought this one was about baseball - more specifically the Reds. Yet, you somehow squeezed in a little jab.


  2. Billy, if one person read this blog and then punched a Steelers fan in the face, then this post was a success.

    Oh and I'm insulted that you didn't notice that one of the underlying themes of this post was 'Pro teams with black coaches,' that's where the Steelers fit in.

    Actually, who am I kidding, there has never been an underlying theme in anything I've ever written. If you got punched in the face today, I'm sorry.

  3. Dang man. You're bringing back bad memories. So that's why that crackhead sucker-punched me in a Walmart parking lot. It all makes sense now. The connections make sense. Keep on keepin' on (without any sense at all).

  4. I never know that wall street journal claims Cincinnati reds are third most hated team in major league baseball. I would like to say thanks for updating me regarding such an exclusive information.