Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Cincinnati Bengals Fans Will Be Among First to Answer this Question: Can You Kill Someone With New Xbox Kinect?

If you're a normal human being, chances are, you don't follow the video game industry.

On the lowly scale of "people who are huge losers and probably have no friends": there are stamp collectors, male Twilight fans, bloggers (like us) and at the very bottom, there are video game bloggers.

If you know a video game blogger, they're probably not your friend, mainly because there day goes like this: six hours of Playstation 3, eight hours of Xbox, six hours of Wii, three hours and 52 minutes of sleep, eight minutes for eating and going to the bathroom. There's just not a lot of time in there for friends.

Anyway, the point here is that the Nintendo Wii outsells every other system. However, Microsoft is going to try and beat them this fall with something called the Kinect.

We don't want to call the people at Microsoft liars, but here's what they claim the Kinect can do:

1. They claim it can have sex with you.

2. They claim you won't have to go to church anymore because you'll just
be able to worship the system.

3. They claim it can launch surface-to-air-missiles at select Middle Eastern countries.

4. They say it can be played without a controller.

Three of the above claims are lies. To us, number three seems the most believable.

Since we don't know what to believe, lets let an actual video game blogger describe the system:

Microsoft’s big reveal at this year’s E3 was the Xbox 360 Kinect. It is a new peripheral for the 360 that allows players to interact with the console using their body as the controller. The Kinect is essentially a camera mounted on or near your T.V. and is able to detect the movement of the human body. Microsoft boasts that this control method will be the most intuitive way to take control of your games.

So what's the point of this whole post?

Before Kinect comes out in November, Microsoft has decided to force it on the country (like Ben Roethlisberger forcing himself on any underage girl at a bar) by taking the Kinect on a tour of a select few American cities.

August 4-8, the "Kinect the Country" tour will be in Canton for the Hall-of-Fame induction celebrations and the Bengals-Cowboys game.

So if you're a Bengals fan heading to Canton and you get to play the Kinect; please let us know which Middle Eastern Countries you bombed and what sexual position it likes best.

No comments:

Post a Comment