Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Urine Trouble: Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger May or May Not Have Peed in Public Last Week

Just when you thought that Ben Roethlisberger only pulled out his penis in women's restrooms and Nevada hotel rooms, out comes a story today that Big Ben pulled out little Ben last Friday when he needed to relieve himself while playing a round of golf at Muirfield Country Club in Columbus. According to an eyewitness, the only thing that was sexually assaulted was a tree near the 17th green.

Here are the facts of the case:

1. On July 9, Roethlisberger and three buddies played golf at Muirfield. Muirfield is a course owned by Jack Nicklaus and its a course that annually hosts the Memorial.

2. A lady who lives along the course saw someone in the group take a pee between the 17th and 18th holes. So you're probably asking yourself one thing, "Why the hell couldn't he hold it for one more hole and then piss in the clubhouse. Crack babies and 90-year-old men pee whenever and wherever they want too, NFL quarterbacks do not." We were wondering the same thing.

3. When the witness described the anonymous pisser to police, the description fit Roethlisberger, however, the guys that played golf with Big Ben that day claim someone in their group peed on the course, but it wasn't Roethlisberger.

TMZ has more on the story, including the one page report filed with the Dublin Police Department.

Our take: Anyone with a penis between their legs has peed in public at least once
in their lives, but most people don't do it while their behavior is being strictly monitored by the NFL. Plus (and this is just an INSIC theory), when guys are peeing on golf courses, 99 percent of the time its because alcohol was involved. If that's that case here, Roethlisberger is probably going to have a tough time explaining to the commissioner why he's drinking in public (although he's allowed to drink) and why he's hanging out with people who pee in public (if it in fact was not him who peed). The INSIC lame pun machine says Roethlisberger just 'pissed' away his shot at getting his 6-game suspension reduced.

Oh and as an added bonus, it looks like Big Ben may have gotten laid the night before 'Pee-gate,' and it looks like he didn't even have to sexually assault the girl. How do we know? An Ohio State co-ed named Gretchen Cottam tweeted that she knew what room and what hotel Ben was in on Thursday night. Does that mean they had sex? No. But if they did, it looks like Ben's standards are very slowly going up (his 'hookup' is in red in the picture above).

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