Thursday, September 16, 2010

Because You Asked For it: The Once Every Six Months One Question INSIC Mailbag (Sponsored by McDonald's)

(As always, these are real questions that we either added words too and/or greatly embellished to make them sound more interesting).

Q: Dear INSIC: The Reds are in a pennant chase, the Bengals opened their season last Sunday, yet you, an unabashed Pro-Cincinnati sports blog, managed to go six days without a post. What The Fuck gives. Unless you guys were snorting cocaine with Joaquin Phoenix in a rundown Las Vegas hotel room, this is not OK.

INSIC: Although there's not technically a question above, we're going to answer this one anyway.

Last Thursday, we broke the second rule of blogging, which is never blog about Tom Brady (The first rule of blogging is don't tell a girl you're hitting on at a bar that you're a blogger, this is an easy and surefire way to never get laid).

Anyway, we followed up last Thursday's Brady post SIX days later with ANOTHER BRADY post, which is the blog equivalent of setting small defenseless animals on fire. It's just sick and uncalled for.

Now, why two Brady posts in a row? Why six days with no new offerings at all when the city of Cincinnati is in a sports renaissance that we haven't seen since 1976? Well, here's the bottom line, it's 50 percent our fault and 50 percent Terry's fault. Who is Terry? Read on and find out.

After Brady got in a car accident Thursday, the INSIC staff got on a plane and flew to Grand Rapids, Michigan for a wedding. Yes, we'll admit it, a wedding on NFL kickoff weekend USUALLY has failure written all over it. But not this one. The wedding we went too was so awesome that it made Chelsea Clinton's wedding look like a late night drunken high school after prom party thrown by homeless people. An awesome wedding means there wasn't one spare minute to post. Or was there?

That's where our friend Terry comes in. Terry is a real Bengals fan (that's him and his wife pictured below with Ochocinco), he owns a Horst Muhlman jersey.

Terry went to high school with INSIC founder John Breech.

Terry went to the Patriots-Bengals game on Sunday.

Terry was tasked with two things: take a ton of pictures (so we could post on Monday) and if he see's a skinny girl that's a Patriots fan, tell her she's fat. Simple, right? Wrong.

Tuesday evening at 7:41 p.m., a full 51 hours, 36 minutes and 19 seconds after the game ended, Terry finally checked in on Facebook with the following message (we have not edited this at all):

much to my chagrin, while walking wasted from tailgate to game Sunday the beer in my pocket spilled and engulfed my camera, just as the female MA mounty grabbed my C. Johnson jersey & turned me around to dump out the rest of my beer. So I'm left with a memory card with only tailgate pics that I won't be able to access until the benglas win this Sunday, Please let the staff at INSIC know I'm deeply sorry for blowing my assignment

The first question we had after reading this was: why the hell are their mounties in Massachusetts. There are only two places where a mountie should ever show their face: in Canada or in a WWF ring. A WWF ring IN Canada would be the most ideal place.

So ladies and gentleman, that is why we went six days without posting.

Coming tomorrow: The Jimmy Johnson interview where Jimmy Johnson tells us how long Jerry Jones would last on Survivor (Hint: not long). On Saturday, we'll probably have an incredibly accurate Bengals-Ravens prediction for you too.

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