Thursday, September 23, 2010

INSIC Will Be LIve From Charlotte For Sunday's Bengals-Panthers Showdown* (We're Using the Term Showdown Very Loosely Here)

(The Panthers are averaging about 1,092 people per game this season, so although we have no definitive proof, we have reason to believe that the picture above was taken during the second quarter of last week's thrilling Tampa Bay-Carolina game)

On Monday morning, there was a buzz going around INSIC headquarters that no one here had felt since the last time we got drunk on absinthe. If you've never drank absinthe, don't do it. However, if you absolutely have to do it, make sure there's a hot girl, a piccolo and a ball of yarn around when it happens (Trust us, it will all make sense).

Anyway, why all the buzz on Monday?

Because Carolina Panthers head coach John Fox, who is obviously trying to lose his job as quickly as possible, made the following announcement: Jimmy Clausen will start at quarterback for the Panthers on Sunday against the Bengals.

Here's all you need to know about Clausen:

1. He failed sixth grade.

2. He showed up for his first day of college (at Notre Dame) in a stretch hummer limo.

3. He's an ass hole.

And we should note, that as much as we like to make things up, we made up nothing on the above list.

Now number 3 might sound like our opinion, but really, its not. Clausen dropped to the second round in last April's NFL draft, not because of his lack of talent, but because scouts thought he was "cocky" and had a "smirkness" to him. That's there way of saying that he thinks he has Peyton Manning talent while everyone else only sees a quarterback that got Charlie Weiss fired from Notre Dame.

Speaking of Notre Dame, Clausen said he was going to "win multiple national titles" with them. Clausen came up multiple national titles short of his goal.

So what does this all mean? It means INSIC will be sending someone to the game. The last two times we did this (Baltimore and Minnesota last season) Breech mishmashed together 5,000 words of nonsense that read like a Danielle Steele novel combined with a bad Bill Simmons column combined with a fourth graders biology paper.

If you see someone in Charlotte wearing a purple speedo, it's probably Breech doing his best Jimmy Clausen impression (and yes, that's really Jimmy on the right in the picture below).

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