Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Reds Take NL Central; Things Starting to Look Sunny in Cincinnati

We don't like to brag, but we're going to anyway.

In May 2009, we picked the previously 4-11-1 Bengals to go 10-6 for the 2009 season. The Bengals promptly went out and made us look like the Miss Cleo of Cincinnati sports predictions by going 10-6.

Last February, we made our first Reds prediction. Because everyone at INSIC has a man-crush on Jay Bruce, we picked the Reds to go 86-76 and contend for the division crown. Now, with the Reds coming off nine straight losing seasons, we didn't just go out on a limb with our pick, like an unprotected one-night stand with an HIV positive partner, we took a big risk. Well, last night, the Reds made the risk pay off, by not only contending, but winning the division.

Because no one at INSIC has been sober enough to write for the last 18 hours (we celebrated Jay Bruce's walk-off home run by bonging bottles of Crown Royal), it took us until now to get this post up.

We weren't at the game, but it sounds like everyone had fun. Rey Maualuga, who lives downtown, tweeted that he was up until two in the morning because everyone was honking their horns in celebration. Reds fans were probably also celebrating by conceiving babies and its probably a safe bet that those babies will be named Jay Bruce [insert last name].

Its also probably a safe bet that MTV will make a season 3 of Teen Mom. Seriously, we will pay every teenager in the world to stop having sex if it means MTV will have no more material for Teen Mom.

Speaking of teenagers, all of the teenage girls reading this are only asking themselves one question: how old was Justin Bieber the last time the Reds were in the playoffs?

The answer: One year and seven months (Cincinnati's newest hero, Jay Bruce, was only seven).

Think about how long ago 1995 was: current high school freshmen weren't even alive. Instead of bashing Jews and getting DUI's, Mel Gibson was winning Academy Awards.

Lets just all agree that a Cincinnati sports fan was the first one to say "good things come to those who wait." We went 15 years between division titles in football and baseball.

And for the record the AFC North, Big East and National League Central Titles are all in Cincinnati right now. If anyone tries to talk trash to you, punch them in the face.

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