Friday, August 27, 2010
Bengals Cheerleader That Doesn't Have STD's Wins $11 Million, Only Problem: She Sued the Wrong Company
Back in December, gossip website Thedirty.com received a hot tip that a certain Bengals cheerleader was a walking STD. Thedirty posted a picture of Ben-Gal Sarah Jones and said she had our two personal favorite venereal diseases: chlamydia and gonorrhea.
Now if you didn't take slander 101 in college, here's the deal: publishing false information about people is kind of illegal. So if you accuse a girl of having an STD, she better have one because if she doesn't, she can file a lawsuit. Which pretty much means, unless the guy that runs Thedirty.com is Sarah Jones' gynecologist, he probably shouldn't be writing about her STD situation.
Anyway, Jones did take slander 101 in college, so she sued... and won. Yesterday, she was awarded $11 million (which breaks down like this: $10 million in punitive damages, $1 million in compensatory damages).
With $11 million in the bank, Jones could conceivably quit her day job as a school teacher. On the other hand, lets hope she hasn't turned in those resignation forms just yet.
Now you're probably wondering, "She's a millionaire. Why shouldn't she quit her job, go to Vegas and do cocaine off of Criss Angel's genitals for the rest of her life?"
BECAUSE SHE SUED THE WRONG COMPANY
Here's an interesting tidbit from politico.com: A Kentucky teacher and Cincinnati Bengals cheerleader sued the dirty.com -- or at least she thought she did. U.S. District Court Judge William O. Bertelsman on Wednesday ordered LOS ANGELES-based Dirty World Entertainment Recordings -- which the complaint said operates THEdirt.com -- to pay $11 million for failing to respond to the suit.
The only problem? Thedirty.com, which accused Jones of having 25 STD's, is a Scottsdale, Arizona based company (not Los Angeles based) called Dirty World LLC (not Dirty World Entertainment Recordings).
After the judgement, Jones' lawyer, Eric Deters, told Cincinnati.com, "This California company was brazen, they didn't defend it, they didn't come, they ignored [the case]."
Nik Ritchie, who runs theDirty.com, was probably thinking, "No shit we weren't there, we never got served. You sued some company in California, I'm in Arizona you dumb ass."
Deters, who is now currently the frontrunner for the "shittiest lawyer that ever lawyered" award, had told the media that the case was going to be slam dunk because the defendant didn't respond.
So lets sum this up for you: Bengals cheerleader/Norther Kentucky school teacher Sarah Jones gets accused of having two STD's that she doesn't have. She sues the site that makes the accusations (Thedirty.com), wins $11 million, finds out she sued the wrong site (thedirt.com) and now, she might not get the money.
Lets just all agree, having two STD's would be easier than going through this whole situation.
Finally, you're probably asking yourself, "INSIC, the only way this post could get awesomer is if you can somehow mention Shayne Graham." Done.
This whole thing started in October 2009 when TheDirty alleged that Sarah and Shayne Graham were having an affair. But she called it off after Shayne 'missed the uprights' in bed (Note: there was no affair and we don't even know what 'missing the uprights' means in this context).