Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Reds Cuban Missile Aroldis Chapman Launches Tonight at Great American Ball Park

If baseball loving Cuban dictator Fidel Castro wasn't slowly dying every day, there is no way he would have let Aroldis Chapman defect from Cuba. But Castro is dying, so in July 2009, Chapman did what any intelligent, communist hating, million dollar prospect would do: he defected the communist country.

Now, one year and one month after his defection, Chapman will don his Cincinnati Reds uniform for the first time.

Chapman will bring his 105 mph fastball, his tears that cure cancer and his princess backpack (pictured above) to Great American Ball Park tonight as the Reds take on the Brewers.

Lets hope Dusty Baker doesn't pull a Kerry Wood or Mark Prior on Chapman, who last year was labeled the WORLD's best left-handed pitching prospect (P.S. we love to exaggerate here at INSIC, but we're not making that up, scouts were calling him the WORLD's best, not Cuba's best, not North America's best or the Western Hemisphere's best, but the World's. Suck it Japan).

Besides Chapman, the other big pitching story line for the Reds is the return of Aaron Harang.

We like Harang, but.........Lets put this in the nicest terms we can: Harang is washed up, he should have retired last year, Chapman should take his spot in the starting rotation, there were pitchers in the Little League World Series with better arms than Harang.

Harang's stat line tonight will probably look like this: 5 runs, 10 hits, 3 strikeouts. However, since the Reds offense has turned into a bond company this season (they've been bailing their pitchers out all year long), expect Harang to get a no decision instead of a loss.

Now that being said, Harang wasted the brilliant years of his career playing for a sucky Reds team that was under sucky ownership that didn't want to win. On that note, lets hope Harang gets a World Series ring in October so he can retire and stop embarrassing himself.

Obviously, the Cy Young poster of Harang below is from 1998, you know, when he was good.

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