Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Rey Maualuga Avoids Suspension for January DUI; Ochocinco will Pee in Cup Today

Driving drunk in a car with underage girls is every guys dream. The only problem with this dream is that its frowned upon by the general public and illegal in most states (We don't have time to research any state laws, but we're guessing that it's not frowned upon or illegal in the following states: Kentucky, West Virginia, Georgia and probably Louisiana).

It turns out Bengals LB Rey Maualuga may have lucked out last January when he was nabbed for DUI, mainly, because he was arrested in Kentucky, one of the aforementioned states where sleeping with 14-year-olds is encouraged.

What does this mean?

It means that when Rey-Rey was arrested, he wasn't charged with getting an underage girl drunk, he was only charged with DUI (reports are that his BAC was .157). Officers could have also charged him with a 'Crime against Humanity' for driving a Pontiac Sunfire, but instead, they showed mercy.

Maualuga put the incident behind him last February when he pled guilty to his DUI charge, however it wasn't until today that the NFL finally weighed in on whether or not he would be suspended.

Roger Goodell and the NFL formally recognized today that it's incredibly hard to pickup hot high school tail at a bar. Maualuga's mad pickup skills were rewarded as the NFL has decided to NOT suspend him for his January DUI. The former USC star will have to forfeit two game checks (Meaning he's out about $46,500).

Would you leave a bar drunk with the 18-year-old girl pictured below? Maualuga did. By the way, in case you can't tell, the picture is courtesy of Sports by Brooks.

The Bengals have now lucked out twice this offseason, as Cedric Benson also went unsuspended for his June arrest. Although in Benson's defense, he was punched in the face, didn't retaliate at all and then arrested a month after the alleged incident.

Ochocinco Getting Drug Tested Today

Unless testing positive for McDonald's can garner a 4-game suspension, its probably a safe bet that the Ocho will pass his random drug test.

By the way, if anyone from Dial is reading this, you're sitting on a God Damn gold mine, look at the top of Chad's locker, its already stocked with a season's supply of Dial body wash and the season hasn't even started.

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