Sunday, August 29, 2010

Bengals Throw $7 Million into Toilet: Officially Release WR Antonio Bryant

In the past two years, in the 'good experiments gone bad' category, Heidi Montag's 13 plastic surgeries were in a class of their own. Now she has some company.

Just after 1 p.m. today the Bengals cut ties with Antonio "I signed in March, never played a down and will still collect $6.95 million" Bryant. If you have trouble understanding things in quotations marks, let us say this again: Antonio Bryant will collect almost $7 million even though he played exactly ZERO regular season games with the team.

Bryant passed a physical before he signed his contract in March, but due to reoccurring knee injury, he was never able to play. What does this mean? It means Dr. Jack Kevorkian has a better track record than the Bengals doctors.

Because we love making lists, here is a list of five things Bengals owner Mike Brown could have spent the $7 million on:

1. Thirteen more plastic surgeries for Heidi Montag.

2. An indoor practice facility (This is reportedly the big hangup in the Marvin Lewis contract negotiations).

3. Seven million Wendy's five piece chicken nuggets which would be 35 million nuggets total which would be enough for every starving child in Somalia (5 million) to have seven nuggets apiece.

4. A line of cocaine on the armrest of every seat in Paul Brown stadium for one game. Or if Mike Brown likes the idea of making money more (which he does), he could have built a meth lab the size of Paul Brown Stadium that could have probably pushed out more drugs than the states of Alabama and Kentucky combined.

5. A Taco Bell franchise.

And to think, just two days ago, Enquirer Bengals beat writer Joe Reedy put together this endearing piece on Bryant.

1 comment:

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